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Why do I
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Why do I |
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topsyturveychick Member
since 2003-01-19
Posts 57Bris,QLD,Aus 
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--I wrote this poem at about 2am this morning. I was very tired, but still tossing over some emotioins...so what better way to get them out but write...right? I looked at what I wrote when I acctually was awake...and...well it was pretty dodgy. I thought it might have some potential but that I needed professional help..so I turn to you guys. I think I really need a strong ending and maybe some thing else to stop the repeditive why do I's. I've written some alternative endings that I'll put at the bottom...plz tell me which one u prefer...or tips on ones u think would work better. Thanks heaps...here goes!! -- Why Do I? Why do I, Have feelings for you? Why do I, Let myself be affected by you? Why do I, Long for your touch? Why do I, Feel attached to you? Why do I, Feel the need to be with you? Why do I, Cry when you say, “It’s not going to work?” Why do I, Allow my heart to get broken again? Why do I, Still let my dreams contain you? Why do I, Still spend hours thinking about you? Why do I, Still talk about you? Why do I, Still write poems for you? Why do I, Still want you? Why do I, Still miss you? --endings-- Why do I ask, Questions I already know the answers to? Why do I, Deny the feelings I have for you? Why do I, Deny myself? --As you can see it needs H.E.L.P. and bad.-- I asked God how much he loved me... He said this much... And streched out his arms and Died. **Sunshine** |
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| © Copyright 2003 Ashlynn C - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
For starters, I would drop all those "Why do I" lines except for the first. the epetition really gets boring and you say exactly the same thing by just using commas instead. JMHO, Pete |
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