A Tanka (I hope) - pipTalk Forums

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Poetry Workshop

A Tanka (I hope)

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

0 posted 2002-10-25 10:00 AM

Pain

So much pain I feel
Each time I cough my ribs do hurt
I try not to cough
I get up and move around
So I do not get too stiff

10-25-02

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant

since 2001-05-07

Posts 5182
Netherlands

1 posted 2002-10-25 09:05 PM

Sue, that's a 'painful' tanka dear, hope those ribs will heal quickly.

Titia

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

Tammy Blessing
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 366
PA

2 posted 2002-10-28 09:40 PM

Painful tanka here Sue! Only one quick comment. I think you need to take out the "do" in the second line to make it 7 syllables. Hope this was fiction. If not, break out the cough medicine and GET BETTER!
Tammy

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

3 posted 2002-10-29 06:27 AM

No Tammy, this is not fiction. I was thrown off of a Belguin horse. So the pain is real.
I see now that I do have one too many syllables in the second line. I guess the pain medicine is affecting my eyes.

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

4 posted 2002-10-29 06:29 AM

Thank you Titia for the well wishes.

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 1056
Kansas USA

5 posted 2002-10-29 10:35 AM

Get well soon! Sorry to hear that you were hurt and I'm wishing you a rapid recovery!

Shenachie

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

6 posted 2002-11-11 06:47 PM

OUCH - You can turn so many everyday things into poems, Sue -

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