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Villanelle's Sound - first attempt [ever!!!]
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Villanelle's Sound - first attempt [ever!!!] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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Villanelle’s Sound By a silver, tinkling villanelle A memory that haunts my mind With sweet song, a charming bell Builds so fine, comes on swell Gracing me with love thoughts kind By a silver, tinkling villanelle Do not shake, nor quiver, nor quell Where prayers give us grace refined With sweet song, a charming bell Here we find hatred repelled As sweet grace can change a mind By a silver, tinkling villanelle Would woodland fairies come to tell Humans may act to humans, kind With sweet song, a charming bell Once again let us feel the swell Let it grace again our minds By a silver, tinkling villanelle With sweet song, a charming bell ~*~ ©Karilea Rilling Jungel 10 April 2002 |
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| © Copyright 2002 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
This is lovely! Love your writing style, always so elegant. Shenachie |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Well Karilea, this sure looks good to me. You always write such beautiful things. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Thank you Shenachie, Smart Chick...but something just isn't quite right...I guess that's why it's still here...and no where else! It needs...something....I'll work on it.... |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hey Karilea, very nice "first attempt." Sort of an extended metaphor, I think. We did those a long time ago and it was really a challenge. Here you have put it together in a very challenging format. Thanks, Pete |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Thank you Pete, but somehow it doesn't feel quite right...when I have a spare moment, I'm going to do a re-write...if you do have any suggestions, put 'em here! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Sunshine, Nice job . The prhasing is great and fits the format well. The only thing that caused me to stumble was meter. I had trouble trying to find a consistant pattern.( That certainly doesn't mean there isn't one, only that I had trouble finding it). Maybe that's what's nagging you about this. Doc |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
yes Doc...it's the meter...got anything for it? I am open to suggestions.... |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Karilea~ Your thoughts are lovely ... I'm certainly not the Villanelle expert ... but you'll figure out how to fix it~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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