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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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Witches In Flight (Okay remember, be gentle it's my first time) |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA 
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(What can I say, it's my first...I promise something a bit better before this workshop is over) Witches In Flight Oh my, you cry Spiders and bats The witches fly In big black hats Spiders and bats Witches in flight In big black hats Are out this night Witches in flight Up in the air Are out this night In hopes to scare Up in the air Ugly bats fly In hopes to scare As you pass by Ugly bats fly The white ghosts glow As you pass by There down below The white ghosts glow The witches fly There down below Oh my, you cry ------------------ This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends. ~Eurpides |
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| © Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Like me, a first attempt. And a wonderful pantoum is created. I love the interlocking rhyme scheme, and the continuance of the initial theme. Only thing I noticed was the switching between iambic and trochaic. Other than that, splendid job, Hoot!  Alicat |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Ah, Hoot...Applause ! : ) |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Hell Alicat, I wouldn't know a trochaic rhyme scheme if it bit me in the butt. I kid you guys not when I say I know nothing about poetry, I just write it HELP NAN.....I must have neglected to read that chapter Munda, thanks ------------------ This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends. ~Eurpides |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
What can I say hoot....I too know little about the technical side of things. You did a good job though. Even if your not totally satisfied with it. psssssssttttt...when your in class watch out for the spit balls and the signs put on your back. This class is full of clowns and practical jokers. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Thanks Marilyn and I wondered what that was in my hair, eeewwww.... |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Well done initial effort Ruth. You carried a well developed theme throughout and that can be difficult. ------------------ Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Well, that's what you get for getting to class late... It's a darn good thing you're a good student...hehe - always worked for me too... OK - so your structure is intact - Your theme wraps nicely around itself - and you've used a very simple iambic dimeter for your rhythm - and it works - I'll break it apart for you and show you (but next time be more punctual, OK?) oh-MY/you-CRY spi-DERS/and-BATS theWITCH/es-FLY in-BIG/black-HATS spi-DERS/and-BATS witch-ES/in-FLIGHT in-BIG/black-HATS are-OUT/this-NIGHT witch-ES/in-FLIGHT up-IN/the-AIR are-OUT/this-NIGHT in-HOPES/to-SCARE up-IN/the-AIR ug-LY/bats-FLY in-HOPES/to-SCARE as-YOU/pass-BY ug-LY/bats-FLY the-WHITE/ghosts-GLOW as-YOU/pass-BY there-DOWN/be-LOW the-WHITE/ghosts-GLOW the-WITCH/es-FLY there-DOWN/be-LOW 0h-MY/you-CRY ....um.... I wouldn't change a thing, hoot.. Meter is something that simply "exists" within you - You don't necessarily have to know all the technical terms to do it properly... Check this out - and you can JP for it... Witch Wrong Turn?Nan [This message has been edited by Nan (edited 10-19-1999).] |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Dream, thanks a lot Nan, I thought the meter was intact, but when Alicat made that statement about it, I second guessed myself. I don't know meter types, I simply tap out my meter with my hands, if I can tap out a rhythm, I know the meter is good or nearly good. Thank you. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Ruth - You got your reward - Check out that Witch Wrong Turn link ... |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Ok Nan...guess it's that regional dialect thingy again. For some strange reason, I pronounce spider as SPY/der, which is where I got the trochaic measure. Thank you for the breakdown of metered beats as you see it, for it does verify that Hoot's work was perfect and very well crafted from the git-go. And though it's early morning finding me sans sleep, I'm not being silly or flippant. Hoot, don't change a thing...I loves this one. Alicat the sleep deprived |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Persnikitty The word spider, spoken alone is trochaic - You're right - but in context, that can change.... e.g. - Are there any spiders here? ..sounds like --- are-THERE-a-NY-spi-DERS-HERE? Local dialects can also affect intonation... I can see lots of discussion about syllable stress on the horizon... So everybody is right - Isn't that special?? |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Enjoys being right Thanks for the graphic Nan |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Hoot...you seem to give us this 'first time' preamble, and then smack down a perfect poem..hmmm... You have talent I could only dream of having, keep it up.  |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Satiate...what a wonderful compliment, thank you, but it goes undeserving....remember, I know what talent you have, I have seen your work |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Smiles ... you know what I like best about this? It appeals to everyone ... I read it, I loved it ... then I read it to my four-year-old, and she loved it too ... in fact, she's still marching about the house, reciting a few of the lines ... thank you for a most enjoyable read, Ruth! Nocht |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Grinning here, thank you Nocht, you just made my night. The picture of your 4 year old running around the house reciting lines to my poetry brought a huge grin to my face.....thanks |
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