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jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

0 posted 2000-05-13 12:14 PM


Dust encrusted, cracked and lidless plate-glassed eyes
Reveal the gutted, soiled and lifeless void
That once upon a better time enjoyed
The warmth of love and light that fortifies
A home; but now an empty husk belies
Imprinted shades that haunt the now destroyed
House as if youthful happiness that buoyed
The sagging ceiling trusses still defies
The years that mark the crumbling gray facade
Staring in row-house death beyond the broken
Porch to the treeless street that wears with pride
The title “Incubator Row” as God-
Cursed silence sadly echoes the unspoken
Loss of the revenant that peers inside.

© Copyright 2000 Jim Bouder - All Rights Reserved
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

1 posted 2000-05-13 12:44 PM


Jim,

You're talent shines in this one. Though I know your meaning, it could be interpreted so many ways. Layers could be peeled away, and there would yet be life in this sonnet.

Kris

 the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
2 posted 2000-05-14 03:13 AM


The first time I read this was just in marveling at the way you put words together. Then I read again for the meaning of it. Sounds like someone returned to their childhood home, to find it a long abandoned row house, not the way it looked in happy youthful days. Sometimes you can't go home again, but I recently went back to a childhood home in the hills of Chester County, and it was like walking back into my childhood. What an experience.
Anyway, this is an interesting sonnet, difficult phrases put to perfect meter
I like the sound of it, especially the first four lines.The entire sonnet is full of great images, though I didn't understand "Incubator Row", unless that was the real name of the neighborhood
To put this topic and these image filled prases into the form of a sonnet is an incredible feat, my friend.
In admiration
Liz

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
3 posted 2000-05-15 06:58 AM


Your work is always exceptional, of course - and time does take its toll - This piece could be interpreted literally as "This old house" or metaphorically as the human aging process - nice job, my friend..

Your Petrarchan/Italian rhyme scheme is nicely in order....

Your incorporation of poetic license always befuddles me, of course - But I know you do that just to rile me up... ... and your deviations from standard iambic pentameter do of course work in your poetry....

Geesh - will this class ever listen??

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
4 posted 2000-05-18 10:14 PM


Kris:

Thanks for the reply and for the compliments.  

Elizabeth:

Not quite an "incredible feat" but I appreciate the compliment anyway.  

Nan:

Thanks for being so accepting of my "poetic license".  I am sure you realize that Pope, Shakespeare, Poe and countless others used the same licenses that befuddle you now with my poem.    I know I didn't follow your directions exactly so I won't be upset if you give me a lower grade.   Thanks for replying, Nan.

Jim

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