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Extended Metaphor Assignment(Please don't grade it too harshly, Nan!)
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Extended Metaphor Assignment(Please don't grade it too harshly, Nan!)
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Extended Metaphor Assignment(Please don't grade it too harshly, Nan!) |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
The race!! BANG! The pistol explodes with sound. SPLASH! The swimmers dive smoothly into the water. The race has begun! At first I am behind but I slowly pull ahead of some, I kick and kick and kick, To be in front is the desire. Momentarily I am the one, the leader, But then I fall behind as someone takes me. The race is a long one, exhilarating and exhausting at once. At times I think I can win it but then there is someone else ahead, I keep pushing myself to be the best but find myself tiring. I fall back, getting water continually thrown in my face.... I feel like giving up, stopping all together and getting out of the pool, But I keep on going. Kick, kick, kick....pull, pull, pull. The motions are automatic now, no longer a thrill. My lungs are burning and I ache all over, But I can’t stop until the race is ended. That is the rule.... That finish line seems a long way off. I keep on pushing myself to get to it, And soon the end is in sight. I try my hardest to get in front, Winning would be great! Then I hear a cheering, No. 1 has been taken. And then No. 2... Then I finish!!! Wearily I climb from the water, So tired I can hardly walk. I did pretty well in today’s race, I wonder how tomorrow’s will be...... "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is a rainbow of delight." |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
I think you did very well.  I don't know how well you did on extended metaphor.....I'm still trying to understand it better myself, but I like this a lot. Well done ! |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
I think you did very well...comparing the everyday rat-race to a swim meet. We all "dive in" every morning, and a lot drag home in the evening. With the competitive lines, were you likening them to getting ahead, in the job, in the world, being better than another? Nice work, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Being better than another, meering everybodies expectations, stuff like that. Thanks for being so nice about this first attempt e.m. !! Love and hugs, Lizzie  "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is a rainbow of delight." |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I've got to agree with Kris.... This poem seems on the surface to be about a swim meet... and it can certainly be interpreted as such. Your readers, though, can also look at this piece as a slice of life. If you picture the duration of your life as a giant competition, in which you're constantly trying to be a stroke ahead of the next contender... this is a great comparison. I think you've done quite a good job at extended metaphor here... LOL - The frustration of getting water thrown in my face at every stroke makes me glad I never became a professional swimmer...   |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Lizzie, I can't add anything to what has already been said but you did an excellent job IMHO. A swim meet, or any other individual competitive event for that matter, makes a classic metaphor for our day-to-day rat race, as Kris said. And you carried it right through to the bitter end. Congrats. Pete |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
ESP: Good job of illustrating the old sink-or-swim mentality. There are a number of good applications of this. Thanks. Jim |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i have nothing constructive to add except that i thought that this was very clever  ") |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I got it! I got it the first time! If I hadn't known before hand that it was a metaphor, I would have applied it as such because that's how my mind works. Everything in life to me is a metaphor. And this one is great! I could apply this one a hundred ways. Liz |
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Extended Metaphor Assignment(Please don't grade it too harshly, Nan!)
