navwin » Main Forums » Poetry Workshop » When I think of the time (Second, more serious, attempt)
Poetry Workshop
Post A Reply Post New Topic When I think of the time (Second, more serious, attempt) Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

0 posted 2000-02-10 06:48 PM



When I think of the time
I still had my Mom
I see lots of memories dear
I see us laughing in the street
feel the love and care we all need

When I think of the time
I still had my Dad
I recall him behind the stove
Brewing one of his  recipes
his special ingredient was love

When I think of the time
I spent with my Sis
We always had the greatest fun
and in silence we shared our cries
when her first born, a girl, had died

When I think of the time
I found my true love
a bright smile still lightens my face
‘Though you died in an accident
your love’s with me this very day

When I think of the time
my children were born
I feel a perfect peace inside
A girl, a boy, gifts from above
never could wish anything more

When I think of the times
now all in the past
All the laughter and love I knew
Despite the sorrow and the tears
I feel truly happy and blessed

When I think of the times
that are still to come
I truly hope I’ll always see
all the precious things life beholds
while the rest of my life unfolds

© Copyright 2000 Munda - All Rights Reserved
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
1 posted 2000-02-12 08:20 AM


Munda, I find free verse as difficult to critique as it is to write - because there really are no rules.

I truly enjoyed this poem - perhaps that's the most important element here. You have a wonderful "personal" format, a hint of rhyming, but no discernible pattern. This is obviously a very special theme for you - I like it...

Maybe our non-rhyming experts can add more?


Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
2 posted 2000-02-12 02:39 PM


Oh dear Munda .. this poem contains BOTH of the ingredients that make it very difficult (nay impossible) for me to critique objectively.

One is the fact that its free verse which I can't write so can really presume to critique even if i knew how to, and the other (more important) is that it is an intensely personal and moving poem ... above all I think its wonderful that you seem to have overcome all the difficulties and still consider yourself blessed ..  

Philip

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
3 posted 2000-02-13 10:07 AM


LOL Nan, I had to force myself NOT to rhyme !
I am awaiting our "non-rhyming" experts. They probably tear it apart as a free verse. You may have noticed it's too structured for free verse. LOL
Hmmm, I guess I will have to try again and again, if needed, until I get the hang of it !  

Philip, thank you for reading, liking and being so kind (to this probably not free verse) and just for the record...I truly am blessed. I have two wonderful children, enough money to eat and pay the bills, live in a country where I can speak my mind, I am part of this wonderful family .....need I go on ?   But thank you anyway Philip   It's very much appreciated.

X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
Oregon
4 posted 2000-02-13 08:52 PM


I think this was a wonderful poem about some heartfelt memories, but to be totally honest (this is class LOL) it was too structured for my tastes in Free verse.....
I am not sure how to explain the "Flow" that has to happen with FV, but there's a rhythm and flow that must happen in order for the FV thing to happen. If it becomes too structured it loses that FV quality. Am I clear? Or messing with yer head?
I am no pro, but FV is all I do, I really suck at rhyming LOL, so if I can be of any assistance let me know
~X~



 "Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?!" ~Groucho Marx

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
5 posted 2000-02-14 09:28 AM


Munda...you did well on this attempt at free verse. It's hard to not rhyme or use that rhythm that sometimes we so want to. Anxious to see more of this style from you.
jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
6 posted 2000-02-14 09:33 AM


Munda:

I have to agree with the above on how difficult something like this is to critique.  Suffice it to say that this was very touching to me.  Thanks for sharing this.

Jim

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

7 posted 2000-02-14 11:46 AM


munda, this makes me smile, not only is it beautiful, it does remind me of my efforts to go structured, it is a great idea, but yes will agree with the above, that the structure detracts from an actual free verse flow...but then again....lol...who is to say, there are no rules, and this is from the heart...and I like it  
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Main Forums » Poetry Workshop » When I think of the time (Second, more serious, attempt)

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary