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Without You I Can Not Live (Free verse ?? First attempt)
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Without You I Can Not Live (Free verse ?? First attempt) |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
OK, OK, I probably need another attempt  To live my life without you seems an impossible thing When I softly touch you I can almost hear you sing You love my sweet talking running through your heart And when I sometimes scold you you feel like falling apart I hate when you give up on me it feels like letting me down Take your time to do the job makes me seriously frown How can I stay mad at you you give me the world to see After cigarettes and coffee you’re addiction number three Passions, tears and friendship, everything I ask you give No, my dear computer without you I can not live Munda  |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Munda .. you had me going right to the end and even then I nearly read "cat" for computer Actually I enjoyed it .. it made me laugh and whether you realised it or not your first two lines are very similar to that song which goes "Live my life without you, impossible to do" not sure whether it's dear Barry M or the number called "Music" by ???. Anyway, whatever, I enjoyed it... are we allowed so much rhyme in free verse?!!  Maybe this is goin' to be easier than I thought Philip PS I bought her an engagement ring last week she wears it on the mouse cable ..... lol |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Munda...this is a beautiful poem, but not free verse  ) Love the poem by the way. Free verse doesn't rhyme like this |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Munda - This is GREAT!!! LOL Set them free, and they know not where to go... So they stay put - within the security of their rhyme... hehe.. I do love this rhyming poem, btw... |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
I swear, when I started writing this, I did not try rhyme, rhythm, or any of these things. It just came out ! Also the twisted ending. LOL ARGH Nan, you made a structuralist of me ! |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
NO FAIR! You rhyme even when you are trying to Free verse it...I couldn't rhyme if someone was paying me too. *glare* you had me going too btw, fun poem! ~X~ "Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?!" ~Groucho Marx |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
liked this, lol...loved the ending...and yep, I do the same thing when I try to write structure, I start out with the first few lines ryhming and then that's it, it falls into free verse lol....good poem |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Munda: Please excuse my tardiness. This made me laugh at the end but, unlike Philip, I clearly saw "computer" at the end and identified 100% as a fellow Internet junkie. This was very enjoyable. Everybody: I thought the essense of "free-verse" was its being "free". Doesn't that freedom include the poet's prerogative to rhyme or not? I thought what distinguished verse from free-verse was free-verse's irregularity of meter. Since poetry can be "verse" and not rhyme (blank-verse), can't a poem rhyme and be free-verse? I don't think Munda is showing a regular meter here. Iambs, anapests, and trochees appear sporadically throughout the poem. The syllable counts average seven per line but often are 6 or 8 and I even counted 5 in one line. Because of this sporadic use of meter and syllable count, I would argue that this is not verse. If it isn't verse, then what is it? Nice free-verse here, Munda. Jim (to the rescue) |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Jim you're a shameless kiss up .. even if she isn't the teacher .. lol .. I guess you've be talkin' to Brad too much it's not THAT free .. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Philip: Brad is only one of the culprits. I've been reading an excellent book called "Meter in English" which is a "think tank" discussion of English poetry scholars on various topics relating to meter in english verse (and the lack of it in free-verse). What I am concluding is the free-verse defies a particular definition because it can only be compared to what it is not (iambic verse). The standards of the different scholars vary and, therefore, their opinions vary on what free-verse is and what free-verse isn't. Sure, Munda's poem was not all THAT free but, then again, it wasn't all THAT structured either. What do you call it then? I think, in large part, it depends on how liberal your standards are on "structured poetry". I just think that trying to apply a rigid definition to free-verse is a self-defeating endeavor. JMHO. Just STICKING up for Munda, btw, not KISSING up. She'd do the same for me. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
LOL You guys are one of the main reasons I like the Workshop so much. : ) Thanks Jim ; ) I much admit though, Jim is quite right about the lack of meter. If you would look at this poem in a "structured" way....LOL ....it would just be a "poor" poem. ; ) Anyway, it made you all smile, didn't it  And you know me....I shall try until I come up with a "real" free verse ! LOL |
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