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Learn your ABC's
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Learn your ABC's |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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Let's go for the ABC ABC rhyme scheme, shall we? Stanzas will consist of lines 1 and 3 written in iambic heptameter and lines 2 and 4 in iambic pentameter. The internal rhymes of lines 1 and 3 will rhyme, as will the ending rhymes of lines 1 and 3 and 2 and 4. Easy as ABC, no?  To gaze out on the ocean in the early morning light Before the sun has fully reached it's peak And marvel at the motion at the sea gulls in their flight Can make the knees of anyone go weak. |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Er.. don`t make it so easy on us, Mr. Balladeer..  heh!. Really, I am fascinated.. I wrote it down on my handy dandy notebook (I still have to work in graphite for the rough stuff).. and will be trying my hand at this one! =) . Does this form have a name? Thanks~Amaryllis |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I think it's name is George. Anxious to see what you can do!  |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
By George, I think I`ve got it! (maybe)... . . Dawn will shoulder under last night`s sable confrontations, before I tilt the hemlock to my lips, saturate this wonder with her bone-pale affirmations, so manifest the sibyl in my hips. . eh? eh? ~Amaryllis |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Clever! You followed the instructions to the letter. You'll explain the meaning of the poem to your ever-inquisitive teacher, yes? A stanza is good but a poem consisting of multiple stanza telling a story, all in the same style, gets a special grade from teach. Dr. Moose will be along to demonstrate, I have little doubt |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Lol, now what would possibly make you think that? Doc |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Agh I dislike explaining my poems! But that means I`ve made it too abstract.. =P . Morning is coming. It will shine a killing light on the love affair. So make it `real`.. one more time. . And for some reason it was more difficult than I`d expected.. so I left it as one puny stanza.. that still (I hoped) says a lot. :P lol . Well, Mr. Moose? You have the floor!  Looking forward to yours! =)Best~Amaryllis |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Don't worry, Amaryllis. I found Mary Had a Little Lamb too abstract! I'm just a meat and potatoes kinda guy. That WOULD be a nice exercise sometimes, though, to take a poem like that, post it, and have people explain what they think it's about. Hmm...may have to try that sometime... |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Ha! Kind of like a poetic Rorscharch, eh? That would be fun! . Really, I`m of two minds about that, though.. (abstract or `hard-to-get` poetry).. while I realize it`s all subjective, I do like a poem that makes me think.. usually I find that if I don`t get it straight off, then with a little study & re-reading I will come to an `aha!` moment. That`s not to say I don`t enjoy a straightforward read.. I adore all styles of poetry. My own writing is usually too transparent, imo! Yet if a poem was so opaque that an entire thread of readers wouldn`t get it, or would all arrive at different conclusions, then (to me) the poem has failed on some level. I`m not saying it wouldn`t be fun for an exercise! I`m speaking of poetry written that the author would want to try & publish.. ah I don`t know! I`m just yakkin.. sorry to almost highjack your workshop thread here! =P Carry on... Best~A |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
The smoke cloaks the midnight sun and makes it a molten red To float among a mist of pearl-gray clouds Cavorting flames twist and run as smoke columns drift ahead And clothe submissive trees in ashy shrouds - Alison |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Another shot at it and I am off to bed - - I sit in trepidation and write poems in the dark Deleting them before the dawn breaks night There is no inspiration for words now have lost their spark I keep my poems in files out of sight - Alison [This message has been edited by Alison (06-20-2010 11:35 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Whew! For a minute you had me worried, Alison. I had thought you lost your iambic during your hookey playing.. The (SMOKE CLOAKS) the MIDnight SUN and MAKES ( it a) MOLten RED To float among a mist of pearl-gray clouds CaVORting (FLAMES TWIST) and RUN as (SMOKE COL)umns DRIFT aHEAD And clothe submissive trees in ashy shrouds In the second, though, I see I was wrong, You still have it...perfect. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I fought the first one. It's hard to try to write poetry with structure again - my confidence is still hit pretty hard. But, the second one, just came in moments. So - maybe I need to just relax, huh? I'll redo the first in a bit. Thank you, 'deer.  A |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Rewrite: The smoke is painting the sun bloody crimson shades of red Then tones it down with hues of pearl-gray clouds Incomplete art now undone filling solstice hearts with dread Defeated, we embrace our ashy shrouds - Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Not yes, my husky lady. The 2nd and 4th lines are good but you will see the errors in parenthesis in the other two.In the first you have two unaccented syllables together, followed by two accented ones. In the second, you begin trochaic instead of iambic and then have two accented ones together in the middle. You'll get it. For a while you had iambic flowing out of your fingers like honey. The you got haiku hijacked and lost your way. Welcome back! -the SMOKE is PAINT(-ing the) (SUN BLOOD)-y CRIM-son SHADES of RED (IN)-com-PLETE art NOW un-(DONE FILL)-ing SOL-stice HEARTS with DREAD |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Ack! I knew I should have kicked the first one to the can last night before you read it. Sometimes I struggle to rewrite thoughts that don't fit the poetic structure - round hole/square peg. However, I can't quit on this one now - so I'll be back.  A |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
It's all just smoke and mirrors as if thunder claps a song The threatened day will battle with fierce clouds While bolts of light cause furor when they fracture in the ground The mourners hide behind their solstice shrouds - A PS - Thank you for having me back - that rock I crawled under was pretty heavy to push off my shoulders. I am back. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
AHA! I KNEW you could do it! Nicely done, miss. Welcome back  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Thank you for keepin' the faith.  A |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
The rhyme was off - -- It's all just smoke and mirrors as if thunder claps a song The threatened day will battle with fierce clouds While bolts of light cause furor as they dance with talon prongs And mourners hide behind their solstice shrouds - A Sorry to keep working on this one - but I wanted to make it right. Hope I didn't throw it off again. [This message has been edited by Alison (06-21-2010 02:50 AM).] |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
To write a poem about a form called "George" will be your task, or will be if you should choose to accept It's not so far outside the norm, but who is "Norm" you ask, and at such complex things was he adept? Both questions much deserving of of an answer so let's see if I can yet pull one from this old hat and still keep on preserving rhyme and all those A, B, C's may prove not such an easy task at that. Enough of this quit beating 'round the bush, get back to "Norm" and while you're at it give our best to "George" We do not like the way this sounds so take this silly form and then proceed to go jump in a gorge! So sayeth all the Pipsters to Doc Moose who tried to put his humor to good use. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
That's why you're special, Alison. I had given you the near rhyme because you had worked so hard on it but you revised it yourself and weren't satisfied until you got it right, You're a poet's poet. Write on! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Love it, Moose. And thank you, Balladeer. And I really liked yours too, Amarylis! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Boy, it's easy to tell who's been absent from class for a while. What happened to my heros, my superstars??? Cleverly written, Moose, as all your works are....very entertaining. Pentameter is five feet, 10 syllables per line. You went with eight. 14 and 10 is a good combination that works, 14 and 8, not so much. Maybe that's why you don't like the way it sounds? Other than that, it's great. Your internal rhymes are good and perfectly placed, and your wit shines as bright as always. Great to have you back, good sir. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Lol @ myself for completely flubbing that part, my only excuse is that once I started I never referred back to the instructions, thus no "pentameter". Rewrite in the works. Doc Thank you Alison, but as you can see it ain't over yet, lol. Doc Edited version above, thanks much. Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Perfect edit...which is no surprise |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
You just have to move us along with a cattle prod now and then. I am working on one song parody and humming another - makes me feel a bit schizophrenic. A |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
I wonder, did I mention that I've written rhyme before? Iambic is my favorite you see. It's giving me some tension, but I simply just adore, when rhyming words of mine go flying free. You want a second stanza and I'll try to do it well, but sometimes there is chaos in my head. Just watched an old Bonanza, which is fun, that I can tell. I know, I should have written rhyme in stead. I hope you will forgive me, but my poem won't be that long, I need to go to bed, it's past my time. It's almost 4.00 am see and the birds will start their song. By George, you'll read the last line of my rhyme. Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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