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Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 2009-11-09 09:18 PM

Wrapped Refrain

The Wrapped Refrain, created by Jan Turner, consists of 2 or more stanzas of 6 lines each;
Meter: 8,8,8,8,12,12 and Rhyme Scheme: a,a,b,b,c,c.

Refrain rule: In each stanza the first 4 syllables (or 4 single-syllable words) in the first line must be
the last 4 syllables (or 4 single-syllable words) at the end of the last line. This is what wraps each
stanza with a repeated refrain ...thus, the Wrapped Refrain.

Example:

Create For Me a Metaphor

Create for me a lovely poem,
and let it be a brook, to roam
throughout a field of daffodils,
then wander up and down small hills.
And make it move as if it were a melody….
Delight me with this poem that you create for me.

A metaphor or two will do,
and paint with colors that imbue
this lovely poem with fantasy.
I love when you enrapture me!
Create for me a world I’m eager to explore;
A taste of candy, scent of rose; a metaphor!

Copyright © 2009 Andrea Dietrich

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

1 posted 2009-11-10 01:09 AM

Oh, this looks like fun - I was afraid that the Workshop was ending when I read the title of the thread.

Glad that is not the case.

Hugs and I hope that you are feeling better,

Alison

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

2 posted 2009-11-13 02:36 AM

I have been swamped but am looking forward to writing this weekend. I'll catch up - honest.

Alison

Poetal
Member

since 2009-11-09

Posts 74
Texas, United States

3 posted 2009-11-13 11:09 AM

Good job here a teaching lession and a great poem. Thanks for the grand read.

AL

AL Inmon

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

4 posted 2009-11-13 03:28 PM

Don't worry, Alison. No one is breaking the door down to get their work in.

Poetal, nice to see you here. Feel free to join in on this or any of the previous lessons.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

5 posted 2009-11-13 09:21 PM

I think that they are all out playing hookey and committing moose-da-meanors!

A

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member

since 2008-02-28

Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA

6 posted 2009-11-13 11:14 PM

I'm so far behind, I don't think I will ever be able to get caught up.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

7 posted 2009-11-14 03:24 AM

Sing out of tune while fingers strum
on silky skin that softly hums.
Crescendos offer us the key
to open doors and set love free.
Nocturnal curtains drop on cricket bands in June;
while under velvet darkness we sing out of tune.

The candle drips wax down the stick
and music sparks once hidden tricks.
Light flickers marks on silent walls
as graceful shadows rise and fall.
A glorious sunrise brushes warmth on bared hips,
then follows trails created by the candle drips.

-

Alison

[This message has been edited by Alison (11-14-2009 08:23 PM).]

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

8 posted 2009-11-15 03:58 PM

Is it just me or is this an awkward style of writing? I really liked the wrapping, but I am not loving the meter leap in the last two lines of each stanza.

I keep coming back to read the poem that you used as an example and it, too, seems off kilter to me.

A

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

9 posted 2009-11-15 04:59 PM

ALison, you did very well on yours! I really like the image you presented there.

Is it awkward? Yes. I, too, find it difficult to make the transition to the additional syllables in the last two lines. It's good that you recognize that because it means you are in tune with rhythm, meter and flow and recognize when something seems off-kilter.

I put a lot of different forms of writing here. Some are good and some not so good. All of them, though, are designed to have people practice and get used to employing good meter in their poetry. If you don't care for a particular style, that's fine. I, personally, wouldn't use this style in my writings, either.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

10 posted 2009-11-15 05:06 PM

I love trying the various forms of poetry - and I am happy that I am able to form an opinion based on some knowledge now. Thank you, Balladeer, for helping me grow.

A

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member

since 2008-02-28

Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA

11 posted 2009-11-16 11:38 PM

Alison, you do great.

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

12 posted 2009-11-17 07:34 AM

Balladeer and Alison,
I too agree on the awkwardness of changing the syllable count. I tried two of these, and wasn't really happy with either. That not withstanding, I couldn't resist picking up on your comment Alison. Great job on this btw.
Doc

"Moosedameanors"? The heck you say
unfounded rumors, there's no way!
For Kleists' sake in the name of pun
now lookit whatcha made me done!
I'm simply just one of "Deers'" eraser cleaners
you can't make me admit to no "Moosedameanors"

Oh woe is me, oh woe is me,
I cannot help myself you see,
for when I write such poetry
I'm oft' beside myself with glee!
It may be the result of some head injury
a likely possibility, oh woe is me!

I'm innocent, I swear it's true,
in my defense I've lost a screw!
It has not merely gotten loose,
I'm one psychotic mixed up moose!
So friends if you should see where that missing screw went
then the verdict can only be, I'm innocent!

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

13 posted 2009-11-18 10:24 AM

Doc,

This is among the funniest poems I have read. I kept it. You work within the various styles as if it takes no effort. That's part of what I love about your poetry - you are usually spot on and you are down right interesting (to say the least).

Thank you for the smiles when I most need them.

Alison

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

14 posted 2009-11-19 08:04 AM

Alison,
Thank you. You gotta know by now I have way too much fun with this stuff, it's far from effortless though, I'm just fortunate that my work allows time for my mind to wander. Glad to bring a smile whenever I can.
Doc

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

15 posted 2009-11-19 08:18 AM

Moose, you have a gift for making people smile, that's for sure. If you were a bone you would be the humerus!

Brilliant work, as usual.

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

16 posted 2009-12-02 01:18 PM

Welcome back "Deer", you orn'ry cuss !
I think I speak for all of us
if'n I tell ya you've been missed
I'm thinkin' that you'll get the gist
needless to say, Pip Pip hooray and three Bronx cheers.
The old place just ain't been the same, welcome back "Deer"!

We salute you fearless leader,
poet, teacher, avid reader
of bad poems by goofy students
please forgive me my imprudence
but know that you inspire us through all that you do
and so, without further ado, we salute you.

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

17 posted 2010-05-31 12:38 PM

~frantically tries to catch up~
I'll get this one done ASAP.

Goddess grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

18 posted 2010-05-31 01:10 AM

i WRITE my BOOK so FRANTic'LY
afrAID of THE inSANiTY
i TRY to THINK abOUT the WORD
it FLIES aWAY just LIKE a BIRD
iDEas COME as 'ROUND i LOOK for ONE good HOOK
my ROOM is WHERE i SIT and THINK and WRITE my BOOK

my KILLer HAS esCAPED agAIN
elUDing MY sweet HERoINE
my HERoINE beCOMES heRO
proTAGoNISTS must COME and GO
the STORy CHANGE has COME to PASS aLAS aLAS
though STAYED the SAME through THICK and THIN my KILLer HAS

Goddess grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

19 posted 2010-05-31 09:56 AM

Hey, Rachael!!! Good to see you back!

I see you are still working hard on proper meter and you are doing great! You are blossoming before our eyes and I love the determination.

The poem is good, a nice topic and you followed the instructions. Now, if you can convince me that hero is pronounced he-RO, I'll give you a gold star....good luck!!!!

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

20 posted 2010-05-31 02:00 PM

i WRITE my BOOK so FRANTic'LY
afrAID of THE inSANiTY
i TRY to THINK abOUT the WORD
it FLIES aWAY just LIKE a BIRD
iDEas COME as 'ROUND i LOOK for ONE good HOOK
my ROOM is WHERE i SIT and THINK and WRITE my BOOK

my KILLer HAS esCAPED agAIN
elUDing MY sweet HERoINE
in MAN must COME out WOman GO
proTAGoNISTS must COME and GO
the STORy CHANGE has COME to PASS aLAS aLAS
though STAYED the SAME through THICK and THIN my KILLer HAS

Goddess grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

21 posted 2010-05-31 07:59 PM

Hero to heroine....very clever!

Amberzlynnc
Member

since 2010-08-24

Posts 229
New Jersey

22 posted 2010-08-24 02:03 PM

Well, I've got one stanza..

I cannot love a man like you,
One so deceitful and untrue.
You inhale air, you exhale lies.
I've given you a thousand tries.
I thought we were near perfect and fit like a glove..
I've wizened up, a man like you I cannot love.

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

23 posted 2010-08-24 06:10 PM

Thought I'd give you a shot here, Mike. I gave the exercise a try. I'm terrible with formal verse, but what the heck.

Any comments?

I’ve always been a tired man
with yellow indoor smoker’s tan
who had his nights and days reversed
and in his working hours conversed
with those confined as being dangerous and mad.
Mostly, I thought it quite a lovely time we had.

I carried keys and opened doors
and cared for those home from the wars
with stories bursting to be told.
They made their listeners’ ears feel cold
when the heat sense of the old brain’s inner lizard
was forced to adjust to the psychotic blizzard.

Of course, the ventilation sucked.
Sometimes they swung, sometimes you ducked;
sometimes, with the right pivot and twist,
you were lucky, and they missed.
I cut a woman from a window where she hung,
while the smokers had everybody coughing lung.

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

24 posted 2010-08-24 06:12 PM

Ah, Mike, I see there wrapped part now! I missed that on the first go through.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

25 posted 2010-08-24 08:35 PM

I'll look forward to the revision, Bob. The subject matter is excellent!

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