navwin » Main Forums » Poetry Workshop » Love Is No Lady
Poetry Workshop
Post A Reply Post New Topic Love Is No Lady Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

0 posted 2000-01-28 11:37 AM


OK, here is my first attempt. Remember teacher, I promised no more spitballs so please go a little easy on me. Maybe I'll even bring an apple or maybe a Dr. Pepper     ~but throws spitball at Jim which he then deflects causing it to hit Philip (with 1 L) instead~ The poem may not be all that great, but I think it does include personification, if I understand it. Please advise of any problems or misunderstandings.

BTW, sorry to be late again but the dog ate my paper the first time (again). Guess we don't feed her enough or maybe it's just a devious streak or something.    

Oh yeah, this was supposed to be a poem     Alright then, here it is.


           Love Is No Lady


Your fine façade, the manner of your speech,
Your smile, your charm, apparent gentle way
Are naught but false impressions. You show each,
But sadly, you're no lady, I must say.
Attraction which exceeds our understanding,
And words in voice so sweet they melt our hearts;
We just can't realize you're so demanding
Condemning fools to play our foolish parts.
You'll stroke our hand or hold us to your breast,
Our thoughts and warm emotions to expose
To misery and mockery at best --
No mortal temptress claims such wiles as those.
We strive to have you by our side although
You are no lady, Love, as we all know.

< !signature-->

 Pete

     What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
     sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
     for the mere enunciation of my theme?
          Edgar Allan Poe






[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 01-28-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

1 posted 2000-01-28 12:38 PM


Wow! This is wonderful, Pete! Beautiful!

Denise

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
2 posted 2000-01-28 02:04 PM


Pete:

I would be willing to suggest this is one of your best sonnets to date.  Excellent, excellent, excellent,  meter, rhyme, theme.  Excellent personification too.  You've become a sonnet writing machine.  Good job!

And just know that I could've deflected that spit ball right back at you but deliberately redirected toward Knave Philip to demonstrate that his much vaunted vorpal blade is ineffectual when used against the Whiffling JB (Jabberwocky -- like the Lewis Carroll reference, btw, Knave Philip).  Just don't let it happen again, Pete.

Also, Pete, I agree that my most recent sonnet is not anywhere close to being my best.  Your  comments on it were, in my opinion, warranted.  Thanks for your honesty.

*Jim slips a tack on Philip's seat just as Philip sits down with a wink and a snicker at Pete*

 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
3 posted 2000-01-28 03:20 PM


This is wonderful !!!!! I guess it's high time you change your name   And you know what ? You gave me the inspiration to try again.   Thank you, thank you, thank you !      
Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
4 posted 2000-01-28 05:26 PM


Denise, now I'm blushing   but highly flattered.

And Jim, I've admitted all along that I am a sonnet junkie but not sure I would class this among "my best."  As for comments on your sonnet, I hope I wasn't so negative as to be classified as "warranted." It's just that I have so identified with your previous sonnets that this one just didn't click or reach out and grab me like others have. ~ducks behind Munda just in case~

Munda, I don't know how I could inspire you   but I am always ready to take credit for any good of which I might be accused  

~no spitballs this time, he appears to take wadded page from previous attempt at personification, carefully flattens it as best he can and forms it into the shape of ... shape of ... shape of a paper airplane, which then miserably fails to fly, most likely due to its wrinkled skin~

Sorry if I, in any way, caused you to sit on that tack, Philip.



 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
5 posted 2000-01-28 05:36 PM


*Jim rolls up his research paper and wacks Pete on the back of the head*

You are too hard on yourself.  Your criticism was tasteful and constructive.  You were also right so stop apologizing!!!  

One of the dangers, I think, of writing something that everyone likes is maitaining a certain standard with everything written.  I'm a beginner with this poetry stuff (don't let the "Senior Member" title fool you) so this is a new lesson for me to learn all about.

Philip:

The tack was Ruth's idea, by the way.  


 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
6 posted 2000-01-28 05:48 PM


Ahem .. why do I get the feelin' I'm bein' victimised 'ere ... JENNNIIIIII c'mere an' sort this outta control rabble out for me will ya ..  

As for you Ruth if this tacky (heh) thing is really true ... humphhh !! Tell me that's its just JB causin' mayhem in the ranks ..

And finally Pete to your poem .. which is a SONNETTTTTTTTTTT .. oh my goodness are you all Bouder clones what IS goin on here.  One good thing .. at least some people will be able to recognise this as such in its more conventional form      .

Actually cuttin' through all the classroom frivolity it really was an excellent poem Pete ... and I guess maybe sonnets aren't such a bad idea after all as long as they're hidden in a long long poem ...  ..

Thanks Pete

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
7 posted 2000-01-28 08:55 PM


But you did give me new inspiration by the way you "talk" to Love   ....and I finished it......and Kess is happy with it....meaning I'm happy !    So thank you   from now on you may duck behind me anytime, as long as the spitballs miss me !  
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
8 posted 2000-01-30 04:40 PM


NOW wait one moment!!!! I haven't even been in class for two days and I come back to being the blame for som malicious crime on another student...well!! Hmph....storms out of the class room and remembers she forgot to reply to the poems so comes back in and sits down...pulling the spitballs jim has put in her hair out.

What can I say that hasn't been said. This is an excellent poem and a great example of personafication and you defiantely need to change your name. You are most certainly a poet Pete...and do you really think you need to be here ( j/k...smiling )


 I can live with the idea
That we are merely actors
Playing a part
But I do wish
Whoever is writing my script
Would learn to use
A few more Happy Endings
~Javan

Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
9 posted 2000-01-30 06:01 PM


I'm sooooooooo relieved Ruth .. that those malicious stories put about by that ruffian were untrue .. not that I believed it for a moment of course    .... Hug

Philip


Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
10 posted 2000-01-31 12:05 PM


Ruth, I didn't believe for even a second that the tack was your idea. I think ole Jimbo is our doer of dastardly deeds around here   ~Pete eyes Philip with envy as he o hugs Ruth~
< !signature-->

 Pete

     What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
     sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
     for the mere enunciation of my theme?
          Edgar Allan Poe




[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 01-31-2000).]

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
11 posted 2000-01-31 04:01 PM


Okay, Pete.  I said it was Ruth's idea like you told me to.  Now where is my $5.00?

 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
12 posted 2000-02-03 01:47 AM


(Kess smiles and backs out of the room without a word)

Nope, no help needed here -- an excellent work by an overmodest "Not a Poet"

--Kess


 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest


Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Main Forums » Poetry Workshop » Love Is No Lady

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary