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Teen Poetry #2
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since 1999-12-08
Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA

0 posted 2000-01-28 10:08 PM

Death Do We Part
For you I dream
Of the days to come
When we will be together
And never alone
It will be joyous
And fun
Love will be in the air
And tensions will be low
It will be like a dream

But until that day comes
We will be apart
With only our memories
In our heart
Just remember one thing
I love you till death do we part

© Copyright 2000 Richard Melick - All Rights Reserved
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
1 posted 2000-01-29 04:53 AM

I like. I like very much! Memories are precious and so is love. I also have someone whom I will NOT give up on. Keep writing and lovng....

since 2000-01-24
Posts 67
el paso
2 posted 2000-01-30 07:58 PM

this is very good, most often if you belive in dreams they will come true.

 Love isn't a miracle in life, the miracle of life is love.

Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
3 posted 2000-01-30 08:09 PM

ender: i really really liked the way this poem started off, but i feel that it loses a lot of the tragic and mythic feeling as it draws towards the end... you do a fairly good job of drawing the reader back to the original (and very intriguing) statements at the beginning by your use of the last line, but i somehow feel that you need a few more lines to lead up to the final line... a few more that draw the reader back into this magical allusion you made at the beginning... very good job, despite what i've said, however...

jerome the boy with the blue thumb

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

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