Untitled--- If ya'll could give ideas and replies! please.

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #2

Untitled--- If ya'll could give ideas and replies! please.

Crystal Hudson
Junior Member

since 1999-12-01

Posts 11
Texas ---- U.S.A

0 posted 1999-12-20 07:50 PM

This is for my parents for christmas but it doesn't look alright to give them. If ya'll could give some ideas on how to fix and shape it up. PLEASE.  I'm on my knees.

Forever and a day
We will be together.
Thru think and thin
We will grow stronger.

We've always been and will always be
A family to the end.
At times it seems like
We can also be a best friend.

Ya'll are the greatest
We could belong to.
It's crazy at times that
Ya'll understand the stupid stuff we do.

From being a mess when we were little
But still maintaining our little kid glow,
To stuff you never thought your
Tiny darlings would do.... Like grow.

I know it's been hard seeing
Your babies
Growing into well raised
Gentlemen and laides.

So on this Christmas morning
We just wanted to say,
That we were raised by the best parents ever.
This isn't much but it's from our hearts to you as  your present today.

******************************************
I don't think that it is well written so if ya'll see something that could be better written please tell me.   I want my parents to cherish it.

amandafoose
Junior Member

since 1999-12-20

Posts 11

1 posted 1999-12-20 07:53 PM

good poem but just a suggestion: dont use ya'll in a poem your poem was beautiful but i think that took away from a full effect of it

Crystal Hudson
Junior Member

since 1999-12-01

Posts 11
Texas ---- U.S.A

2 posted 1999-12-20 09:52 PM

Thanks for your suggestion. I see what your talking about. Thanks a bunch!

starboards
Member

since 1999-10-14

Posts 467
longwood, florida

3 posted 1999-12-20 11:59 PM

This is so cute!! I wish that i could write a poem to my parents but i cant write about anything good...great job though...

Starboards

"I wont look back, I wont regret, though it hurts like hell someday I will forget"

Crystal Hudson
Junior Member

since 1999-12-01

Posts 11
Texas ---- U.S.A

4 posted 1999-12-21 05:58 PM

Thanx Starboard! I guess i'll give it to my parents like this. Thanx

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.