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Teen Poetry #2

Unsure--- Please Respond!

Bright Melody
Junior Member

since 1999-11-06

Posts 37
O'Fallon Illinois

0 posted 1999-12-05 05:36 PM

You smiled at me
and I was unsure.
Unsure of your feelings,
but more unsure of my own.
I was hurt.
Most didn't understand.
How someone could be in your life only 3 months,
and still leave you broken, 5 months later.

But then there was you.
You began to show me that you beleved in me.
That you wouldn't love me for awhile and then drop me when you got borred.

You tell me what you feel.
You share your hopes, dreams, and reality with me.
You comforted me when I was down.
When I needed help you were there.

You show me everything good,
and help me through everything bad.
I want you to know that I'll always be here,
and that I Love You.

This is my 1st attempt at a poem. I know that the scheme isn't great but I'd appriciate help. I've never taken a poetry class these are just my thoughts.

I was in a relationship earlier that we were very close. Then he broke up with me without a reason. I wrote this for my boyfriend now who has helped me throught alot.

If you love something let it go... if it comes back it's yours... if it doesn't it never was.

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

1 posted 1999-12-05 05:48 PM

this is excellent and my only advice is this

Humble eyes watch from the corner
A room filled with our poetry.
Each offers up a world of wisdom
draped round insecuriy.

Such beauty lies within our words,
Take pride in what you have conceived.
"need feedback" you say in desperation,
then linger round for posts recieved.

When only one can truley tell,
the goods and bad of poetry,
untill you find yourself my friends
you'll drown in insecurity.

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 1999-12-06 01:24 PM

Welcome to Passions. I see this verse as free form. There is nor specific rhyme scheme nor a specific meter you have to follow. Meter is just the flow of the poem and the syllable count per line. I am working on posting some sites with forms here for you all to look at. It will be a reference for people wanting to improve their work.

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