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Teen Poetry #2
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your like a rose
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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your like a rose |
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lilo/lilg New Member
since 1999-11-19
Posts 2w.p.b/FL/west palm beach |
your like rose... It makes me want to kiss your toes Your heart alwayz glows But till then nobody knows why your like a rose Your name rings like a bell I love the way you smell My love is swell Cause I all I want is you as well My love for you is forever Believe it or not we will still be together cause of your loving sole That’s why you will alwayz be like a rose… ------------------ lilo/lilg [This message has been edited by lilo/lilg (edited 11-19-1999).] [This message has been edited by lilo/lilg (edited 11-19-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 lilo/lilg - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions. This piece confused me. I think you were more interested in getting the rhyme in rather then bringing the theme across. I am not sure what a loving nose has to do with the 3rd stanza. I am also confused about what a voice echoing has to do with taking off ones clothes as well as a heart glowing? Please help me with this. I would also like to point out that this is an interactive board and your replies to others works would be appreciated.  |
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x96kxrkgrl Junior Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 11Marion, Ohio, US |
I think that your poem was good, though I was consused in the eigth line. I just didnt sink in I guess. But keep up the good work! ------------------ ~Melissa~ |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Since the poem has obviously been changed since Marylin replied, I can't comment on the removal of clothes. However......the poem IS very confusing....just a bunch of lines that had absolutely no meter, and they rhymed....this can be described as a haphazard poem at best. Please don't take these comments personally, I am only critiquing your work, not you as a person. ------------------ Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices. |
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