through the years - pipTalk Forums

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Teen Poetry #2

through the years

Peter Hang
New Member

since 1999-11-12

Posts 7
Alma MI, USA

0 posted 1999-11-16 04:47 PM

Time is a terrible thing to waste
Through all of the things we have faced
Of all things life could be based
Of all things I could've chased
It was always you
When will I be
The one you can't get off your mind?
When will i be
The one you think of every night?
Have I been too kind?
Can't I make everything right?
Your soft curly hair
Your aura in the air
Brings so much joy to my life
Leads me through all the strife
This whole time that I've known you
The amazing picture that you drew
The love of my life and more
Your in my heart and soul
My broken heart you stole
Forever and ever and ever
Forever is such a long time
And I know my love is true
So to make this poem rhyme
I have to end by saying I LOVE YOU!!!!

crazy
Junior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 20
catawissa, pa, usa

1 posted 1999-11-16 04:53 PM

Great poem, very touching.

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 1999-11-16 06:20 PM

You have a nice theme going here. Your rhyme is rough. You begin by rhyming every line, then you do not rhyme except with an occational one thrown in here and there. I think you could clean this up a little.

Good writing though...

I would like to see you take this talent and polish it up a bit.

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