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| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Future Music |
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Lani_DarkOne Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 152UK |
Here, my gift Wreath of black poppies Adorn your stone head. A renegade cloud steals The Sun. Shiver, trees whisper Conspiratorially. We were of no significance On Earth, ridden with noise People shouting over another Craving to be heard. I sat down, outcast You drifted on a raucous gale, Tripped cut your heart On the knife-edge of my Tear. Collapse on bed of permanence Dry, caked grass. I lay for last and only time Under head of black flowers. ** Tell me if you 'understand' this... or what you think this is about, thanks. Lani. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Lani_DarkOne - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A |
Wow, that is some of the best word usage and usage of metaphores I've ever seen, seriously!! The only little bit of constructive critisism I can give is that through the beauty and finesse of the peom, the message is kind of cloudy. The best I could piece I can figure is something to the effect of someone falling in love with you only to have their heart broken because they never saw the real you. I probably way off, but that's my my little break now ended up. You do do I very nice job, though...keep it up. Jeremy |
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Lani_DarkOne Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 152UK |
Thanks Jeremy.You're not that far of the mark where the message is concerned. |
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