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Teen Poetry #2

My Eyes are Like a River

HCwildchild
Member

since 1999-09-03

Posts 55
Pennsylvania,USA

0 posted 2000-05-07 02:45 PM

My eyes are like a river,
So often they overflow.
I feel the tears come hither,
That feeling I often know;
The feeling of utter sadness
Gushing from every pore;
The longing to fill the emptiness;
The wanting of something more.
Then for a time the river dries
And for once I feel I am better.
Yet nigh come the tears in my eyes,
And the waters shall brim over,
Till I see your reflection
In these eyes so blue,
And all my sadness is forgotten
Now that I've found you.

Heather C.

karmi
New Member

since 2000-05-04

Posts 6
Lima, Ohio... usa

1 posted 2000-05-07 04:21 PM

*claps* i love it! you wrote it very well... i can sense the emotion as i read! i can relate to the poem... but i'd have to add a few lines at the end in my case.

but if the poem is real to you in your case, that's awesome! i like the way you used the simile for your eyes and a river... you used descriptive stuff very well!

-much love-
~karmi*
(if you wanna see more poetry, go to: http://mypage.goplay.com/iseeyouinme/ )

HCwildchild
Member

since 1999-09-03

Posts 55
Pennsylvania,USA

2 posted 2000-05-07 05:39 PM

Thanx Karmi! I'm glad you liked it :> I was reluctant to post this at first, because I didn't think people would understand it, but I'm really glad you did

and no worries everyone, I'm not sad anymore!

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

3 posted 2000-05-07 11:08 PM

Wonderful extended metaphor here! I love it, great imagery.

*Krista Knutson*

"Lonliness is the human condition."
*Mark Twain, in the book "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"*

Rachel8383
Junior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 44

4 posted 2000-05-08 12:32 PM

I would keep it just the same b/c i can totally relate to this. Keep up the great work. rachel

by the way, my mom always tells me, "crying is an emotional catharsis, it always makes me feel better." keep it up

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

5 posted 2000-05-08 04:49 AM

This is a good version of extended metaphor. I enjoyed reading it.

~AF~

"Poetry is the language in which man explores his own amazement."
Christopher Fry

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