Teen Poetry #2 |
Remember your creation..... |
~Red~ Junior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 36chicago, Ill-na, u.s.a. |
i know this is a tad bit long but it's one of my friends favs. I'd appreciate your comments on it. Thanx! "Remember your Creation" The distance to harmony is the distance to the moon And as silver drops of twilite Are the tears of perfection Too many are mislead byt their guilty lies And only one, feels the need to cry A darkness swept over Screams fill the fields which once existed of Sweet memories of daffodils And as the pain seems to drift closer and the meloncholy starts to begin The heavens full of their beauty A thousand more than last counted They spread across the moonlit sky enchanted by their magnificence And Soft, in the distance The mystic sounds of waves Crashing against the shore Seem to make me drift away For love and beauty rely in the hands of the creator and are pure imagination to those who can't see past lullabies Translucent daydreams A life full of thought The stillness And calming sereness that overfills ones mind And as tears of sweet chardonney drizzle down from your innocent eyes I breathe for you Just one last time And you look at me with your graceful eyes one last time As they wish for you I need you now but its too late now For the angels have landed now And they've crowded around you now I wish it didn't have to be like this I just wanted to let you know That I love you Blinding white light Bright as a thousand suns too late Black The icy grip has taken over once more All that's left Are the sweet memories Of daffodils in the fields. |
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© Copyright 1999 R.t. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions. I think this is very well done. The thoughts are sporatic and this gives a feeling of chaotic thinking. This of course is my interpritation. In reading it, I felt it was a mind searching for answers. |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
I agree with Marilyn, and add one suggestion-reduce the "nows" towards the end. I too, welcome you. ------------------ Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices. |
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