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Teen Poetry #2
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since 2000-01-26
Posts 336
omaha ark usa

0 posted 2000-03-27 10:24 AM

Here I lay on this day
Tired of what I see

I see the moon over the horizen
I see the sun teasing me.

This day God made for me and everyone else.
So I sit here wondering when will I see the one that made the earth his footstoole.

The creator of the heavens and the earth the very same one where we have used for many genrations.

I want to feel his love apon me I want to feel his warm touch when I get close to him.

When will I see my God in his glory.

This is my question and my devotation

 For when day turn to night I am still there
The fallen angel jytree

© Copyright 2000 Michael Jay vaughn - All Rights Reserved
Mellon Collie
Junior Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 49
united states of america
1 posted 2000-03-27 11:31 AM

dear jytree,
     well, i'm really not sure how to critique this work on the basis of verse due to its somewhat eclectic nature.  i will say, however, that i like the first 4 lines the best.  this is a very interesting piece that you've composed and despite a number of spelling and punctuation errors, i feel that it's well-written.  i have to say, though being of the Christian faith, i have never had the urgent longing to go to Heaven.  i HAVE, however, long desired to see the face of God where i stand now.  much like moses did, or elijah.  of which glory does this work speak? the glory to come or the glory that is now revealed for the fervent and devout seeker?

the beautiful freak

Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
2 posted 2000-03-27 12:48 PM

Powerful poem. I liked the original layout!
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina
3 posted 2000-03-28 11:39 PM

I loved your poem, it was so wonderful. You spoke to my soul thhrough this. I really think this is one of your best. Be cool!

 *There is no destination where we are
Please take me somewhere far
Far away from this world of mine*
(by me)

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