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Teen Poetry #2
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Junior Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 31

0 posted 2000-03-03 09:26 PM

Any suggestions are welcome...  I am not quite a poet, but a willing learner!  -Penny

I've lost myself,
made a new me.
Mutation of a soul.
Searching for pieces
of the 'me' I once knew.

The counselors say,
"Look to your heart".
I look,
It's gone,
Stolen by darkness.

I look to God,
but find I cannot see.
I am blind to faith,
God, goodness.

Around me,
smiling faces rejoice
of good deeds,
theirs--- and mine.
Myself, good?--  I cry.

Lost --  Confused,
I look for you.
You reach out to me,
but I cannot see you-
angel sent by God.
I am blind.

Help me.

© Copyright 2000 Penelope - All Rights Reserved
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now
1 posted 2000-03-03 11:05 PM

We always never see the good others see in us.  It is very easy to lose yourself and try to find a new identity, or remake the old one.  The second stanza, I thought, was hitting it right on.  Continue writing.  We'll all improve together, though you don't have that far to go!


 "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."

Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
2 posted 2000-03-04 11:47 AM

Penny, I like this piece.  I think the structure is good you used good expression.  
I believe your a better writer than you realize.  Look forward to seeing more of your work.

Junior Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 31

3 posted 2000-03-04 04:24 PM

Astraea, Danny Holloway-

I wanted to thank you both for responding. I have to say that it's the first piece of writing that came from my heart that I've let
anybody see.  The poem was meant to be an explanation of my feelings to a special person in my life (to whom this actually will
probably never be shown)--- he is the one I speak to in the last stanza, the angel sent by God.  He is a very good person, and
sometimes I think that I am blind to all that he does for me... in the same way that I am often blind to the good works that God
does in my life, him being one of them.  

Thank you again,


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