A good poem i gave to the girl i loved---she still turned me down--i need suggestions

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Ender
Member

since 1999-12-08

Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA

0 posted 2000-01-29 01:51 PM

*Do I Have a Chance?*
When I look into those glowing eyes of yours
My world seems to stop
As the omnipresent beauty from within appears
You glow like a light in the dark of night
As your splendor radiates from you
You would stop any man in his tracks
With that great beauty of yours
For it did stop me
When I first saw you
I thought to myself
“Do I have a chance”
A sense of doubt when through me
And I brushed the idea away
Knowing that since you are a junior
And me, a freshman
There is probably no chance at all
But, whenever I see you in the hall
Or in the class
I always feel like I have found the one
That I truly love
But the question is
Will you share the feeling
Or will we “Just be friends”
You should know by now that I love you
And that I always will
I have given you signs
Even a child would know
But if you didn’t
I tell you now
In order to get it off my chest
And into your heart

To where you can understand it all
And where you may actually start
Feeling the same way about me
As I do you
For I love you
And always will
Until the day we shall part
And never meet again
But until that day comes
Would you please
Share your love with me
So that I can feel like someone

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

1 posted 2000-01-29 04:59 PM

Beautiful poem. If u sent this poem to a girl and she still turned you down then she really isn't worth it. All that unrequited love could be put to much better use in a human person. I'm sure someone would really love to share love with you. I love your poetry, keep it up.
And keep

Smore
Member

since 2000-01-24

Posts 67
el paso

2 posted 2000-01-29 05:04 PM

Think, if shes as wonderful as you thought how could she refuse someone as thoughtful as you seem. Sometimes those who refuse our love are the ones unworthy of it.

Love isn't a miracle in life, the miracle of life is love.

poetry_kills
Senior Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 549
new orleans

3 posted 2000-01-29 06:24 PM

ender: well... i suppose in a deep analysis of why this poem wasn't as effective as you hoped it would be, i see three possibilities... the first (and most obvious) is that this girl wasn't all you thought she would be (as was stated previously by esp and smore)... now, to the poem itself i see two *potential* problems... i, personally, dont have a problem with either of these... i think they work in the poem, but it's also possible that she was turned off by one of them... the first of these is that you start the poem off (and a number of lines) talking about how beautiful and physically attractive she is... if she IS as wonderful as you claim she is, and if she is an emotional and long-term relationship person, then she may have been turned off by what she percieved as you saying "you're pretty, let's date" in the first lines of the poem... the second possibility (that i percieve) is what you say at the end... the last three lines are a plea for her to go out with you... if she is the type of girl that is looking for a strong and fearless man, then it's possible she was turned off by these lines that she might consider "cowardly" or "childish"... i just want to say again that i dont think any of these things (nor do i know this person)... i'm just trying to dig into the human mind and give you some ideas that might help... from here i leave you to do what you will...

sincerely,
jerome the boy with numb hands

A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

poetry_kills
Senior Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 549
new orleans

4 posted 2000-01-29 06:31 PM

p.s. -- if all else fails, and you still believe that she is as beautiful and unfallible as you claim her to be... and if she has a lover's heart of romance and if you still desire to win her heart... i suggest you do this: find her at school and give her a single long-stemmed red rose with the following excerpt from your poem attached to it with a ribbon:

"For I love you
And always will
Until the day we shall part
And never meet again"

say nothing (unless she speaks to you with kindness), but simply hand her the rose and walk silently away... in other words, if she says "what is this?" dont answer... but if she says "thank you", respond... that's the best advice i can give you for the time-being...

sincerely,
jerome the boy with numb hands

A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

poetry_kills
Senior Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 549
new orleans

5 posted 2000-01-29 06:31 PM

hope it works for you

[This message has been edited by poetry_kills (edited 01-29-2000).]

eve_angel
Junior Member

since 2000-01-22

Posts 23
Australia

6 posted 2000-01-29 07:19 PM

I totally agree with the above responces. You deserve much more than a rejection after a beautiful poem such as this.

Mistikman
Senior Member

since 2000-01-10

Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA

7 posted 2000-01-29 07:52 PM

Great poem, I am also going through a rough time with a girl who refuses to go out with me, despite my most valient efforts. Another take on why she didnt want to go out with you after this poem might be that you came on too strong, a lot of girls are scared away by guys who want more than just a casual relationship right away. I hope the rose works, and if it doesnt, my best advice is to not make things even worse, and just walk away. It is a hard and difficult process to forget, but it is necessary for you to once again have peace of mind.

I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.