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Open Poetry #3
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my first "vanilla" poem (villanelle)
| Open Poetry #3 |
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my first "vanilla" poem (villanelle) |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL 
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Secrets of Nature Revealed a1. The brooding voice upon the wind b. spoke to me with emphasis… a2 so this in turn to you I send: a The clouds their energy expend b whispering in sentences a1 the brooding voice upon the wind a Full ripened fruit the rains begin b tears of heartfelt penitence a2 so this in turn to you I send a Then to the sun the flowers bend b and nod to the lyricist a1 the brooding voice upon the wind a Ah, I now know the changing trend b and form my hypothesis a2 so this in turn to you I send. a That Nature truly is our friend b secret of photosynthesis a1 the brooding voice upon the wind a2 so this in turn to you I send. Rb I left the line numbers in for anyone who wants to try also. ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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| © Copyright 1999 RobertB - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Simply beautiful! This form, though, along with the sestina, et al, are beyond the grasp of my abilities. But I do enjoy reading them! ------------------ Denise |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
you gotta join the workshop Denise...I did to torture myself. RB ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thanks, but I'm not up to torture right now! Perhaps after my daughter's bridal shower, wedding and Christmas I'll be ready for some!  ------------------ Denise |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
You've got a really interesting theme here, and you got your repetitions down well... I like the twist you gave the meter by varying the "b" lines as you did... Nice job - and I'll be looking forward to your pantoum....  |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
LOL....I can't wait to do a "phantoum" poem!!! ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
RobertB, Good job just follow Nan's advice and you can't go wrong. |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
if Nan says jump off a cliff..should I??? :-} ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Hats off to you, after attempting one myself, I give credit to anyone that even makes an attempt, let alone pulls it off as well as you did |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
I think I pulled a muscle in my brain Ruth! ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
Robert, I'd sooner jump off the cliff than attempt form poetry. It sounds less scary! And it's bound to be less painful! Great job. |
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