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Open Poetry #3
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Songs of love
| Open Poetry #3 |
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Songs of love |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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Songs of love In the winds of night and evening Where lives the voice of lovers songs. Clearly you can hear them singing, As they weave along in throngs They pass in whispers in the night, Radar echoes soft but strong. Rise and beautify the twilight. Where they have been, all along. And each one is of different sway, Like the whales no two the same Intercept how plain they play, Different, except for final aim. You can join them in the evening, When in sleep you're free to fly. You can add your song just breathing, From the bed in which you lie. But if you really wish to fly, You may not use high octanes why? [This message has been edited by Seymour Tabin (edited 10-02-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx |
I thought this poem was a light hearted attempt at some humor, yet it felt a little stressed at the last line where it becomes appearant. in the second to last stanza (maybe?) you put your and it needs to be a conjunction you're. it makes better sense that way (and I'm sure you meant it that way, but your fingers got away from you. mine do that some times as well). over all it was a nice piece and it flowed fairly well, but you do need to be careful about the little things that can come in and make your poem a mess. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Definitely a twist at the end, spiralling away from what I anticipated! Good one sey! |
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Pufalove Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 119Houston, Tx. USA |
Because you get tooooo hurt! No pain, no gain. This on is food for thought. Good. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Desperado, You were right, made corrections, thank you for the read and comment. Cristopher, Thank you for the good one comment. Pufalove , Thank you for the read and comment. I enjoyed them all. |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
you can sing to me anytime Sy........ ------------------ May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Beautifully done!  ------------------ Denise |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Here I thought this would be about wind's songs and other loves and then you twist the tail. You devil. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Pepper, Consider this one for you. Denise, Many thanks to you. Sunshine, The devil made me do it. |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Seymour: Certainly not with a match lit...*g* So I'll continue dreaming.. HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Always a twist huh?.:. ------------------ What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny, compared to what lies within us. ~Isis~ (Daughter of Mystery) |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
RG, You just go on dreaming, thanks for the read and comment. Isis, You got that right, Thanks for the comment. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Clever, clever. Great again! |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
Not much more I can add here, Sy. So, you get a hee hee |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Just want to say thanks to, Severn and sally. |
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