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RSEvans
Senior Member

since 1999-10-23

Posts 1147
Tulsa, OK, USA

0 posted 1999-10-23 07:39 PM

While sifting through the pages
Of an old forgotten book
And remeniscing ages
Of the journey we both took,
I came across the petals
Of a silky worn-out rose
Whose color had faded
And whose skin was full of holes.
I sat and stared in silence,
My smile the only sound,
And remembered with all fondness
When we plucked it from the ground.
And even though your gone now
Like the scent that left this bud
and your memory somehow fainter
Like this small flowers' blood.
Both of you are special.
To me there is no shame
In the flower that we plucked that day
The day you took from me my name.
I'll remember you with fondness.
I'll walk my final days,
'Til once again I caress
Your soft and silky face.
And when we meet I'll think of this
And tell you of my prose
And give to you a living loving
Shiny brand new rose.

------------------
On the wings of day-bright dreams...

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

1 posted 1999-10-23 08:17 PM

I am honored to be the first to reply to a piece as beautiful as this. It's one of the loveliest and most touching...thanks for sharing, RSE.

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."

"Something sweet, something sort of grandish, sweeps my soul when thou art near..."

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

2 posted 1999-10-23 08:22 PM

Very touching. Thanks for sharing this.

------------------
Denise

Watcher666
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 1606

3 posted 1999-10-23 08:29 PM

This is beautiful!

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Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

4 posted 1999-10-23 08:29 PM

I truly love this one. You've done a wonderful job with it. Might I make one small suggestion to improve the flow in one spot?

The lines :
"In the flower that we plucked that day
The day you took from me my name."
....possibly change to
In the flower that we plucked
The day you took my name.

As you can see, I've changed none of the meaning, but the flow is much smoother in that part now

wonderful poem, well done!

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite

since 1999-07-25

Posts 2646
Arkansas

5 posted 1999-10-24 09:57 AM

This was beautiful, a wonderful story! And yes, I agree with HootOwl....that does make it flow a bit better....but still keeps all the meaning. Nice job!

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I beckon you to come...I lure you with my tongue... - poet FemmeFatale

Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

6 posted 1999-10-24 02:45 PM

Very beautiful indeed!

------------------
A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!

DanMc
Junior Member

since 1999-10-24

Posts 10
Canada

7 posted 1999-10-24 02:57 PM

I,m very picky at picking nice poems to send to the one i love.
I only wish I had a love like which you speak of so I could use your poem.

Daniel

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