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Open Poetry #3
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Come To Me
| Open Poetry #3 |
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Come To Me |
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
Come To Me Come to me my dearest one and sit here by my side. Let the strains of music be from words I want to hear. Let the sounds of laughter fill the air and in my mind leave the words that linger there to wipe away a tear. Lie with me, my only love and hold me close to you allowing all my thoughts to be surrounded by your care. In the comfort of your love life's burdens are diminished. Hold me now until I find these burdens are not there. Love with me my only one throughout eternity. Let the number of the stars count days of loving you. May I hold you close and ever keep you in my heart knowing that my love, my love, is cherished by you too. [This message has been edited by Ohme (edited 10-23-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Lorene Meadows - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Truly beautiful work!  ------------------ *Krista Knutson* I walk with the multitude, yet alone am I in their midst. -- Daniel L. Miller |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Beautifully done. the last line says SO much...just knowing your love means something to the one you love makes all the difference in the world to any relationship. ------------------ Michael Anderson Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream? |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Beautiful, loving sentiments! ------------------ Denise |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Words of love so lovely. |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
I like the line....And let the number of stars count the days of our love! Beautiful! |
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
WOW! Excellent....loved this! ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Ohme..I really enjoyed this one, but your rhyme scheme doesn't work in the second stanza Lie with me, my only love and hold me close to you allowing all my thoughts to be surrounded by your care. In the comfort of your love life's burdens are diminished. Hold me now until I find these burdens are all gone. have you thought about trying something like Lie with me, my only love and hold me close to you allowing all my thoughts to be surrounded by your care. In the comfort of your love life's burdens are diminished. Hold me now until I find my burdens no longer there. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Ohme, Agree with Hoot, worth a rewrite. |
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
Thanks Hoot and Seymour. I always like a pat on the back but I also welcome suggestions for improvement. I like it better now myself. Thanks for your comments. Hope you like the edited version. |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Sounds like a love for eternity and a day to me, Ohme. I loved it. : ) Thanks. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Very nice |
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