remains - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

ashlerr
Junior Member

since 1999-06-11

Posts 23
chino hills, ca usa

0 posted 1999-07-05 05:27 AM

eyes that pierce the soul
deep upon deep
down below the surface
into my realm
touching a part of me
i don't recognize
hands so tender
soft but firm
probing for life
extracting a will for living
tender lips eager for mine
tasting fantasy and truth
merging what i thought wasn't real
with a taste of what could be
body so close to me
wanting union
my spirit flew
into voids of possibilities
i kissed those lips with innocence
and experience
only the desperation
and insecurity drove it away
now only the faint reminder
of what could have been
remains

ashlerr
Junior Member

since 1999-06-11

Posts 23
chino hills, ca usa

1 posted 1999-07-05 05:31 AM

i hope everyone will forgive my usage of free verse for this poem...but i can not change to a more poetic form to bring out the exact emotions it does in me on its own...but i do hope that you enjoy it

thursdayschild
Member

since 1999-07-01

Posts 169
Houston, Tx.

2 posted 1999-07-05 04:52 PM

I enjoy free verse, and think your poem
is beautiful. Thanks for sharing it!

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 1999-07-05 05:06 PM

ashlerr, this is a beautiful poem. It is precise, meaningful and clear. It is not enough to have the words. The proper vehicle, or form, is also extremely important. Some poems fare better in a rhymed form, some in free verse, some in sonnets, etc etc etc. I have found that, for myself, the poem will often dictate how it wants to be written. It appears that is what happened to you. The words and the thoughts behind the words demanded free verse and so that was the only choice...and the right choice it was. Any other form may have cheapened it or lessend its impact. Our duty is not to rhyme - our duty is to display our thoughts in the best manner possible. You have certainly accomplished that. Well done!

ashlerr
Junior Member

since 1999-06-11

Posts 23
chino hills, ca usa

4 posted 1999-07-06 12:56 PM

thank you very much for the kind words...and balladeer...i appreciate your comment very deeply

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.