navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #1 » *untitled*
Open Poetry #1
Post A Reply Post New Topic *untitled* Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Artur Hawkwing
Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444
USA

0 posted 1999-07-03 12:21 PM


This summer day
we suffered sunburn and laughed
as the waters shone bright,
and forever my thoughts frozen--

frozen in a world distant,
where the fearless countenance smiled
in a land where the grass never-dying
and the summer sun burned like crystals;

your eyes wouldn't avoid mine,
and nor did my eyes dare to avoid yours,
for your face of a name forgotten
did strike me everywhere;

o horrendous memories, a land of ghosts gained,
when I dig at my heart for rescue,
knowing I am mortal doomed never to understand
the feeling that made the sun darken;

now, the waters glittering,
the vultures flying above looking for sovereign scrap meat,
as I am left in this land to die,
upon the high seas amidst the savannah;

I saw you this one day, my forever friend,
your hair were wheat-brown
your eyes green and blue were blurry as a winter star,
and yet you were only so young.

The years in my memory rolls past,
the everlasting summer, the summer of fire,
of which was so long ago,
which saw my defeat and made me cry.

Just as you were the perfection of beauty so was I,
a gift we embrace from the Lord,
and although ageless love rests upon my heart,
it burns more than the summer of fire.

------------------
Artur Hawkwing.... 'The grave is no bar to my call.' Horn of Valere

© Copyright 1999 Artur Hawkwing - All Rights Reserved
Artur Hawkwing
Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444
USA
1 posted 1999-07-03 11:07 PM


Will someone please respond to this poem? I posted three earlier and got no responses. Thanks.
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
2 posted 1999-07-03 11:28 PM


There is a lot of passion in this poem.

Alain DeLaCendres
Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119
Ohio
3 posted 1999-07-04 02:44 AM


I enjoyed this alot...do you mind if I print this and add it to my "personal collection" of my favorite poems? I'm not much of one to know what to say, because it always comes out sounding terribly stupid and artifical..so I'll not even try this time so I don't cheapen the sentiment.

------------------
Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie.

Artur Hawkwing
Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444
USA
4 posted 1999-07-05 01:26 AM


I have a personal collection of favorite poems also. Go ahead and print this one out and cherish it as part of your collection. Consider it a gift from a friend to a friend. I have to admit one thing. That request was very considerate, and it's nothing I take for granted, nor lightly. It's a very kind compliment coming from you.

Umm.. don't worry about it. Truth being, sometimes I feel worse off than most people in my replies being below what I feel is proper to fit in a posting. Maybe I feel like my sentences are fit for a ten-year-old, or it's simply that I require long paragraphs instead of short sentences to get points across. So you aren't the only one, and I deserve a cold bucket of icy water dumped over my head if I'm wrong.........

What's the French signature say in English? I'm wondering........

(editted to add this line...) you can print out any of my poems you want to include to your collection, if you find any more you like...

[This message has been edited by Artur Hawkwing (edited 07-05-99).]

thursdayschild
Member
since 1999-07-01
Posts 169
Houston, Tx.
5 posted 1999-07-25 08:16 PM


Beautifully expressed nostalgia. Tender sentiment and passionate yearning...truly
a wonderful poem.

Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
6 posted 1999-07-25 08:24 PM


You e-mailed this one to me (I think) and I replied then, but I will say again that I like it a lot...good job Artur.
Artur Hawkwing
Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444
USA
7 posted 1999-07-26 02:58 AM


Thursdayschild, your critique is a honor for me to hear, and I agree ..... I did put quite a strong flow of passion in that one....

y'all keep my spirits up!

Elizabeth, you did get it from me in email, and I like hearing your thoughts occasionally.


Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
8 posted 2000-07-20 10:54 AM


giving this piece a *bump* to the top!

Elizabeth


I'm grabbing my hat and coat
I'm leaving the cat a note
Quick call me a ferry boat-getting out of town!



Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #1 » *untitled*

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary