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Sailor
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Sailor |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow 
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Sailor Clouds of gray possess the once sunlit sky leaving me damp and shivering as the breezes blow sand in my eyes. The ocean grows angry churning water forcefully to the shore leaving a trail of seaweed to catch between my toes. Thousands of people descending with children not willing to be caught by the storms fury. Lightening bolts striking sand castles crafted creatively by children's hands, yet what's destroying them is the surge of the tide. Out in the yonder ocean bed a sailor fights the oceans strength, I watch his boat rock with the waves as the sailors sweaty hands are glued upon the steering wheel. The fear is evident as the sailor abandons boat to begin a one man battle against a raging sea. I pray for him for it seems his lifeless body is being transported further from my eyes view. Tears drip as I face reality that someone has lost their sailor to the rage of the sea. |
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| © Copyright 1999 RiaL - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Again a treasure from the vaults...way back in the netherrealms of the Open Poetry Forum. Free verse is hard to critique, so I shan't go there. I did, however, enjoy the use of correct punctuation in the breaking up of lines, giving pauses, and inflections of meaning. Good job. Overall a stirring tale of a mariner's risk and loss to the unforgiving sea. Wonderful treatment of an oft-ignored demise. Alicat |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Alicat: Thank-You very much for your comments, and for giving this one a second chance. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. |
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