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LongJohn's Hoover Has Y2K
| Open Poetry #1 |
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LongJohn's Hoover Has Y2K |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Lorelei said, "I just don't know, Why our vacuum just won't go? So if you have the time to spare, Could you take it for repair?" So LongJohn went to find a dealer, Who might fix his vacuum cleaner. But then he saw a magic store, One he'd never seen before. A big, bold sign above the top, Declared it was "The Magic Shop' And in the window it did say, 'VACUUM CLEANER SALE TODAY!' A fat old man with long gray hair, Think his name was Balladeer, Prissed and danced out on his toes, Plucked a rabbit from LongJohn's nose, Beamed and bowed his ugly head, "Can I help you sir" he said. Before he had a chance to speak, He twirled around on nimble feet, To show a box upon the floor, "Is this what you're looking for?" The Vacuum cleaner packed inside Seemed everything that he desired, Control push buttons everywhere, To keep one cool, to dry one's hair. A switch for this, a knob for that, A remote controlled computer-vac. "How much said John, will this one be And does it have a guarantee?" "Guarantee?, came back the roar, It's guaranteed for ever more, Treat it kindly and it will, Do all your chores with speed and skill." He looked at LongJohn's gleaming eyes, "Said you can have it at half price." Then as he scribbled out a docket, He pulled a pidgeon from LongJohn's pocket, Laughed as though it were a joke, And vanished in a puff of smoke. LongJohn went home to Lorelei, To show her of his super buy, She pressed the switch marked "Power-On" And then the motor hummed a song, A screen lit up, said, "Detail Chore," And Lorelei chose button number four. Smooth and swift then off it sped, Cleaned the floors and made the bed, Put the coffee on to brew, Set up a tray with cups for two. Then having done the things it did, Rolled in it's box and shut the lid. Lorelei beamed her joy and pleasure, At LongJohn's buying such a treasure, "I'll try it once again" she said, And pushed a button marked in red, Without her specs she failed to see, This button said "EMERGENCY" The state of the art computer screen, Set up a high ear piercing scream, Bells and whistles and sirens wailed Lorelei faltered thus assailed, And kicked it in it's noisey butt, In an attempt to shut it up. It finally stopped and there was silence, due to Lorelei's kick of violence, Then in great electronic wrath, Whirled it's wheels and cut a path, It took off in vengeful hate, Hose was weaving like a snake. First to go, her make-up set, A string of pearls, then her cat, Crystal, brass, her jewels and clothes, All sucked up that snake like hose. All her prized and treasured things, Disappeared on air-borne wings. It paused as if then to digest, All the things it now possessed, The screen read out, "Items Deleted, Unscheduled chore is now completed" Then like before, it finally did, Go back in it's box and shut the lid. Lorelei has left and made it plain, That she's not coming back again, LongJohn's Vac is doing fine, Reveals new functions all the time, It brings him breakfast now in bed, Fluffs up the pillows at his head, Runs the shower, scrubs his back, A complete controlled computer vac. Now LongJohn misses Lorelei, But his vacuum will suffice, There are some things it will not do, I'll post them on "Adult" for you.... this was a poem I remember reading one time, and I just "Toeragged" it some... [This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 08-27-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Toerag - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
oh...ha...hahaha....hahahaha....stomach hurting...ahahaha....lungs cracking....ahahaha! |
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Kelly Member
since 1999-07-03
Posts 145 |
You're sooooo entertaining, crazy and clever. You have to keep posting in the open forum! |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
ROFLMAO.... Sweets, this is hilarious!!!! Great Toeragging job... (Speaking of jobs, I may need one soon if I can't stop laughing long enough to pretend I'm working! LOL.) Double thumbs up!! |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Do ya think LongJohn missed this?.....I figured I'd at least get a remark from him? |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I'll just pop it back to the top till 'Deer and 'Ag pull out the mop. ------------------ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Hmmmmm.... I think Toerag forgot to take into consideration what day it is.... Long John must have been unable to tear himself away from Hooter's! *G* |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I have only one question for you... Is insanity as fun as it seems?????  |
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Lorelei54 Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 458 |
LJA has been home with me today sweetie...and we have been busy..printing it out now for him to read! Great work..we got a good laugh of out it..now tell me where to buy it...I wannna try it!!! [This message has been edited by Lorelei54 (edited 08-27-99).] |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Toe: I'm in no condition to laugh, it hurts! You TOERAG!!!...lol HUSG ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
A screamer this one is!!! *LOL*  ------------------ The only man worth your tears will never make you cry... |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Toe I don't think this poem is appropriate for ANY forum - lol - it is hilarious |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I see nothing funny in this poem whatsoever! Old man with long gray hair, eh? If I did run a magic shop, I'd rub this coin and turn you into a jackass...Oh my God! It worked!!! great job, you tumorless, er, humorless villan. |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
This was an absolute riot! BRAVO *uproar* *applause* Hey, and nice to meet you. I heard you wrote pretty good verse but haven't taken the time to read...... so sorry..... glad I finally did. Now I gotta fit in time to read some more.... you guys seem to write so many so often, I don't know how you do it. Mine are all stuck in the forum archives.... hehehe |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
 Some days it just pays to be a spectator. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Ahhh, Toe... your description of Balladeer must have been too close for comfort! LOL. Andrew: I want one of those vacuum cleaners so I can be spectator while it works! LOL |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
This was great!!!! I laughed so hard I almost cried. The dang replies add to the humor too. I loved Balladeer's little tid-bit up there!!! LOL...haha It has to go back to the top, So the laughter will not stop! [This message has been edited by WhtDove (edited 08-28-99).] |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
LOL, this is great!!! You had me laughing, that's for sure!! lol...darn you, now my stomach hurts! ------------------ *Krista Knutson* I see the world through the loving eyes of my heart, and suffer the pain of unfulfilled visions. -- Daniel L. Miller |
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PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
This is absolutely hilarious!!! I want one of them vacuums! ------------------ Words lay dormant in the recesses of the mind til called forth to a labor of love. By WildChild |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
That wouldn't have anything to do with the suction, would it... Hugs ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Ah, the beginnings.(i'd say more, but my face has been sucked off) |
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