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Stay With Me
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Stay With Me |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA 
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(Once more I have to appologize for the much to obvious rythym in this piece, it is another I can't help but almost sing when I read it the rythym being overwhelmingly strong...I'd definatly not classify this as one of my better pieces) Stay With Me Quiet whispers in the night Time when fantasies take flight And I find you here with me Right where I'd like you to be Tell me that it's not a dream That things are just as what they seem And when I wake with morning dew That I'll find myself with you Baby please don't go away Oh, I beg of you to stay For I can not bear the pain To be apart from you again If this romance isn't real Please don't let my poor heart feel Do not let it break in two 'Cause baby all I need is you So invade my very soul Let your feelings take control Help make everything alright Give me more than just tonight Give me all your love and more Give me all I'm longing for 'Cause baby, baby can't you see That you belong right here with me So I'll tell you one more time In words and deeds and in rhyme How very much I love you so In hopes that you won't let me go Baby please don't go away For I want you here to stay I need you right here next to me Right where you're supposed to be ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 08-23-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved | |||
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
hoot: I like!!! It would make a good song, though.... but I don't think hearing melodies when reading words is a bad thing! *G* |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Honest though you are about the rhythm, this piece reads very well. I think it would sing well, but I'm nearly tone deaf so I can't really tell. ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Suthern and Dream...thank you both for your comments ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Obvious rhythm is a problem? Since when? Shall I say pardon me for breathing in a rhythmic manner, in...out...in...out...? Sould I pray for atrial fib? You just keep writing them, Hoot. We'll keep reading and enjoying. |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Don't feel like you've got to apologize for the rhythm! You have done another great job, Hoot! Listen to Balladeer's words-I don't think rhythm is a problem either. ------------------ *Elizabeth* "Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low, But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..." |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Heartfelt ... who can say that they have loved and not thought these same words..? I think the rhythm added to the piece, not detracted from it ... don't get in the habit of bashing your stuff before we even get a chance to read it !!  ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
Loved it! ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Thank you everyone for your comments and in the future the critic in me will be a bit lighter on myself!!! |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
I found it very enjoyable ... yes, your much to hard on yourself ... thank you ... |
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