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She Carried Dolls
| Open Poetry #1 |
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She Carried Dolls |
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christies heart Member
since 1999-08-10
Posts 189NJ, USA |
She carried dolls with crystal faces, etched in circles of blood. She carried dolls who ran for refuge from a sudden flood. She carried dolls who spoke of hate and choked upon deceit. She carrid dolls who could not dance for fear of shattered feet. She carried dolls who drank their beer and watched the Sunday game. She carried dolls who ruled her world with tears of silence trapped in shame. She carried dolls who slipped large hands between her tiny thighs. She carried dolls who ran from truth, blinding her with lies. She carried dolls with darkened masks, who forced her to her fate. She carried dolls with evil words, twisting love with hate. She carried dolls until she grew and tried to run away. She carried dolls who followed her, reminding her they'd stay. She carried dolls who came with her into the home she built. She carried dolls who locked her in, trapping her in guilt. She carried dolls who would have stayed until the day she died. But she mourned her past, and threw away those dolls who never cried. I did the 12 and 13th line over as someone suggested..I didn't like much what was there before. Thanks... [This message has been edited by christies heart (edited 08-16-99).] [This message has been edited by christies heart (edited 08-18-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Christine R - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Craig Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 444 |
This is a very powerful piece, the subject was disturbing but it was very well written. Well done ! |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Not all dolls do that...some hug and listen.. HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I agree. This poem is very powerful and disturbing. I would love to see you rework the 11th and 12th lines because the rest of the poem is SO good, it deserves better. Very well done. |
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thursdayschild Member
since 1999-07-01
Posts 169Houston, Tx. |
Christie, extremely effective and moving. The last two lines offer a glimmer of hope in this tragic tale. Well done. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
A very strong piece and well done. |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
It is sad that a poem like this ever has to be written, that the feelings which it describes had to be felt ... nevertheless, this piece is both heartwrenching (as it should be) and darkly beautiful. |
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Delores Hall Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 342USA |
Wow this is a very unusal poem. |
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elvira Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936California |
a well done poem indeed...guess i should count myself lucky that i never had dolls as a child?  ------------------ one night at the airport...Childhood Memories...your countenance...eight short weeks...My One and Only...Music to my Ears...hoarse whispers...What will it be?...just watching tv...break my heart...serving wench...take a guess...sink or swim ...stolen hours...the mistress...Perfection...a little girl...Mr. Jones...life is like...insomnia...devotion...too soon...07-20-69 ...craving...Master...apart...plain...hush...then...shameless self promotion [This message has been edited by elvira (edited 08-16-99).] |
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christies heart Member
since 1999-08-10
Posts 189NJ, USA |
Just wanted to thank you all for your feedback. I am still finding my way around this place...and couldn't find this poem for the longest time. This was written years ago...Those dolls are history now! But knowing them was no fun. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
What can I say. I agree with all above. You have written a disturbing but yet beautiful poem! Great Job!! |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
Very powerful and haunting. I really like it - though it is disturbing. But in an important way. Alison |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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