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Open Poetry #1
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christies heart
Member
since 1999-08-10
Posts 189
NJ, USA

0 posted 1999-08-15 05:38 PM


She carried dolls with crystal faces,
etched in circles of blood.
She carried dolls who ran for refuge
from a sudden flood.

She carried dolls who spoke of hate
and choked upon deceit.
She carrid dolls who could not dance
for fear of shattered feet.

She carried dolls who drank their beer
and watched the Sunday game.
She carried dolls who ruled her world
with tears of silence trapped in shame.

She carried dolls who slipped large hands
between her tiny thighs.
She carried dolls who ran from truth,
blinding her with lies.

She carried dolls with darkened masks,
who forced her to her fate.
She carried dolls with evil words,
twisting love with hate.

She carried dolls until she grew
and tried to run away.
She carried dolls who followed her,
reminding her they'd stay.

She carried dolls who came with her
into the home she built.
She carried dolls who locked her in,
trapping her in guilt.

She carried dolls who would have stayed
until the day she died.
But she mourned her past, and threw away
those dolls who never cried.

I did the 12 and 13th line over as someone suggested..I didn't like much what was there before. Thanks...

[This message has been edited by christies heart (edited 08-16-99).]

[This message has been edited by christies heart (edited 08-18-99).]

© Copyright 1999 Christine R - All Rights Reserved
Craig
Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 444

1 posted 1999-08-15 07:13 PM



This is a very powerful piece, the subject was disturbing but it was very well written.

Well done !

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
2 posted 1999-08-15 07:17 PM


Not all dolls do that...some hug and listen..

HUGS

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.



Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
3 posted 1999-08-15 08:11 PM


I agree. This poem is very powerful and disturbing. I would love to see you rework the 11th and 12th lines because the rest of the poem is SO good, it deserves better. Very well done.
thursdayschild
Member
since 1999-07-01
Posts 169
Houston, Tx.
4 posted 1999-08-15 08:21 PM


Christie, extremely effective and moving.
The last two lines offer a glimmer of hope
in this tragic tale. Well done.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
5 posted 1999-08-15 09:17 PM


A very strong piece and well done.
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
6 posted 1999-08-15 09:23 PM


It is sad that a poem like this ever has to be written, that the feelings which it describes had to be felt ... nevertheless, this piece is both heartwrenching (as it should be) and darkly beautiful.
Delores Hall
Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 342
USA
7 posted 1999-08-16 12:32 PM


Wow this is a very unusal poem.
elvira
Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936
California
8 posted 1999-08-16 02:03 AM


a well done poem indeed...guess i should count myself lucky that i never had dolls as a child?

------------------
one night at the airport...Childhood Memories...your countenance...eight short weeks...My One and Only...Music to my Ears...hoarse whispers...What will it be?...just watching tv...break my heart...serving wench...take a guess...sink or swim
...stolen hours...the mistress...Perfection...a little girl...Mr. Jones...life is like...insomnia...devotion...too soon...07-20-69
...craving...Master...apart...plain...hush...then...shameless self promotion




[This message has been edited by elvira (edited 08-16-99).]

christies heart
Member
since 1999-08-10
Posts 189
NJ, USA
9 posted 1999-08-18 07:47 PM


Just wanted to thank you all for your feedback. I am still finding my way around this place...and couldn't find this poem for the longest time. This was written years ago...Those dolls are history now! But knowing them was no fun.
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
10 posted 1999-08-18 08:17 PM


What can I say. I agree with all above. You have written a disturbing but yet beautiful poem! Great Job!!
aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
11 posted 2007-06-11 02:39 AM


Very powerful and haunting.  I really like it - though it is disturbing.  But in an important way.

Alison

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
12 posted 2007-11-12 09:16 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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