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The Cycle of Violence
| Open Poetry #1 |
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The Cycle of Violence |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
I know how I became what I am, hard, abusive and sadistic. Believing I don't would be a sham, I'm not that nihilistic. It's truly late for introspection, I'm already in jail. I don't have time for self-deception, lies serve me to no avail. I will tell you all that I have done, then I will tell you all why. Once I was caught with my father's gun, all he did at first was sigh. He picked it up and aimed at my head, knowing that it was loaded. At eight years old I thought I was dead, why had he felt so goaded? He asked why I didn't like this game, as he pulled back the trigger. I nearly wet myself in my shame, I couldn't run, go figure. I would watch while he beat my mother, eyes lit up while he did so. With each punch he said that he loved her, he kept on kicking her though. She would grovel and beg him to stay, I just wanted him to leave. He reached for her in that gentle way, that mom would always believe. My contempt for women is complete, they each deserve what they get. Women will fall for any deceit, their pain they quickly forget. The girlfriends I've had were used for sex, they weren't worth anything more. I broke hearts just to watch the effects, each one just evened the score. Then one woman threw me for a loop, she was always on my mind. I fell for her like a common dupe, still I thought she was a find. My love life with her was truly great, even when she was with child. With marriage we did not hesitate, even my temper grew mild. She got on my nerves as time went on, her lovely voice became shrill. I looked for excuses to be gone, just touching her made me ill. The baby would incessantly cry, driving me almost to tears. Though sometimes I wanted him to die, that was my greatest of fears. When her provoking me went too far, my hard backhand split her lip. I saw her blood and ran for the car, with each beat my heart did skip. Once home she asked me to forgive her, it was all her fault she knew. She feared she would become a spinster, I told her I knew it too. That first blow woke up my sleeping Beast, it fed on causing her pain. I only bruised her to say the least, holding back was such a strain. She had proved my point about females, they justified every blow. Hitting them only balanced the scales, this dark truth I surely know. This last time though I just couldn't stop, each blow filled me full of glee. When her bruised body started to flop, my rage was all I could see. Now I can see where my life went wrong, a changed man is what I'll be. I will never sing that same old song, of my hate and rage I'm free. She just called me on the telephone, there's one on the wall in jail. She said that she can't live on her own, so she went and paid my bail. The cycle of violence goes on, one day my son will be me. That conclusion you know is foregone, though I wish it wouldn't be. ©1999 DreamEvil ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
I want everyone to know that this was very difficult to write for me. It is a composite of several old friends whose rage and acceptance of it, I've only recently come to understand. I truly wish I didn't. I grief for these men and for the women who can not leave them. ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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Gentle Soul Member
since 1999-07-12
Posts 273Vinton,Ohio USA |
Oh love.. this is beauty.. I felt the pain brother... *hugs* Im very proud of you.. I really really am.. *hugs* yur so special ------------------ Gënt£ë¤§°û£ |
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Gentle Soul Member
since 1999-07-12
Posts 273Vinton,Ohio USA |
What I meant by the beauty.. is how it is written.. not the pain.. I dont want no one to think I thought the pain was beauty.. but DE.. yur passion and feeling in yur poetry is what is beautiful.. and I love it.. and everything you do  ------------------ Gënt£ë¤§°û£ |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Let me tell ya I just wanted to cry my eyes out when I read this. Not only can I imagine that it was difficult to write, but it was difficult to read for me. It brought back so many bad memories. It is the lack of self worth that women have that makes them stay where they are. They need to quit looking to others to make them feel good. They are in fear and very often feel they have no place to go. The abuser makes them feel as if it's all thier fault and that's what they deserved. But it isn't!!! I have been in this situation, and I can totally relate to what it is saying. You have done a great job portraying this. You do have quite a passion in your words. These ones need to stop and do what they can to break this deadly cycle. [This message has been edited by WhtDove (edited 08-12-99).] |
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elvira Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936California |
i usually don't make it to the end of longer pieces, yet this one drew me in...sadness and truth, well woven into a poem Dream |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
The pain in this piece was almost a tangible thing...excellent piece, Dream. ------------------ *Krista Knutson* "Your kiss upon my face feels like a brush with grace, baby thats all it takes to take me higher..." SHeDaisy |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I can understand how that would have been difficult to write, I really can. My Dad was abusive, to my mother and I - two helpless females as it were. They divorced after I left home (young) and for 2 years, I never saw or spoke to my Dad. Now, he is 50. He has stopped smoking, drinking, has even become a vegetarian - in part due to a lovely woman he met. They have been together for 2 years and he's changing(ed), for good, I think. So, the reason for this ramble is that I know and can affirm to you that the cycle can be broken. Great work again, although a tough topic to read. |
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Delores Hall Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 342USA |
Very powerful poem. |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Such a strong and menacing poem. Very disturbing, but very well written. ------------------ "Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." *Mark Twain* |
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
Well written,a very powerful poem.As much of this I see,I have never understood before...but know I get a little better prespective.Love Ya! ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
This is a very gripping poem DreamEvil. Coming from a house where abuse was prevalent I want to tell you that I'm glad you shared this perspective with us. A truly powerful piece. |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
This was so well written it took me back in time, an evil time, one where survival can make you do the most unimaginable things...so I'm not sure whether to say it's good or bad but I guess it must be good to have the power to unlock time... Hugs ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Dream, I do believe you put a lot of effort in to this well-written piece, though it disturbs me greatly. ------------------ ~onevoice~ "She looked at her life like lines, never-ending, constantly forming, reforming and bending." |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Disturbing is the least of what I tried to invoke. Rage, anger, pity, and understanding for both sides are the things that I wished to create. I can't say thank you for responding to this because in my heart I hoped that no one would identify with it. Sadly, I know that many do. [This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 08-14-99).] |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
To your note there Dream, I had to say that if it did bring one thing up it was anger...then hurt. I wish no one could identify with it either. The thing is that you had the determination to go ahead and write this even though it was difficult. And people that can relate, sometimes it just help to know that someone else out there feels the same or is going through the same thing. God Bless you for doing this piece. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
I feel the anger, the rage,the helplessness, the shame, the fear, and the sadness of what you've written. Unfortunately I cannot separate the fact that this work would be much more powerful if more attention had been given to it's construct. It could be soooo much better if it was reworked. ------------------ Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP |
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moonmoon Member
since 1999-08-13
Posts 277TX , USA |
Beautiful poem..well written I could feel that searing pain.. ------------------ "No one was ever ruined from without; The final ruin comes from within." Amelia E. Barr |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
I have found that raw emotion well serves my purpose behind penning a piece like this. I tried reworking and refining Miscarriage and that definitely reduced the message that I had tried to instill. Since I write to open eyes and make people aware, shock and emotional impact are the best tools to achieve that end. I write my poetry from the heart, not the head. My heart is horrified that I understand these things well enough to write from both perspectives, but it also tells me they must be written. Thank you for hearing it's message. |
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Kelly Member
since 1999-07-03
Posts 145 |
Great work. I can't personally relate to this vicious cycle but offer prayers for those who seem to need emotional strength to break it. I know someone who stubbornly broke the cycle of violence in his family. He is gone now and two generations later the cycle is still broken. Stubbornness can be a virtue when channelled in the right direction. Those in the cycle seem to be attracted to each other. Most women I know are very independent, strong willed and emotionally strong. None of us would ever tolerate such behavior. I hope and pray your friends have come to that realization too. |
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