Open Poetry #1 |
Trained To Smile |
graham Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 60South Yorkshire, England |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Trained To Smile ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The engine driver on his run to who knows where, who cares where from Feeling not so good today in slow motion, on his way Maybe it's his time of life demanding kids, working wife On his platform there's no spark Its bright today but he's so dark Where the road and railtrack meets the faces in the driver's seats look impatient, hanging on to shoot off when his engine's gone Scowl at watches, tap their wheels is this how everybody feels? At the next small crossing gate just one old car that had to wait Both driver's glances chanced to meet He noticed how she smiled so sweet She leaned out from her car to wave with flame red hair and eyes ablaze Just something that she always did beside her father as a kid He barely managed waving back thundering gently down the track He wondered if he'd been too late surprise had made him hesitate Afterwards, his heart felt light his happiness had taken flight He whistled on the whole day through amazed what a smile can do If only he'd have been polite acknowledged her, and then she might have realised just what she'd done Reminded him life can be fun The engine driver from that day as every crossing comes his way looks out in hope that he might see the smiling lady, and that he might get a chance to smile and wave return the happiness she gave It might just bring her joy the same as when she smiled up at his train This secret wish now keeps him going happy in his work from knowing One fine day they'll meet again The lady and his passing train ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [This message has been edited by graham (edited 08-07-99).] |
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© Copyright 1999 graham - All Rights Reserved | |||
Craig Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 444 |
Graham It amazes me that no-ones replied to this one, I think its great, so I’m pushing it back to the top for another chance around. Keep them coming people are reading them, it’s just sometimes there are so many a few gems get missed. Craig |
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
Oh this made my day!!! ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, I certainly missed it and I'm glad I caught it this time. This is a beautiful story with a good moral. Only fertile imagination produces these gems. |
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graham Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 60South Yorkshire, England |
Well thanks for the kind words... but I think there are too many really good contributors here for me...so lesser works of art, like mine, so easily get missed. That makes it hard for me to learn from comments whether I hit the spot. Thanks to those who did reply though. |
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petra New Member
since 1999-08-08
Posts 5freshwater ca. usa |
Graham, new to the site here but i am familiar with your complaint. It has been my experience that few postings usually mean few responses but as you continue to write your personality will emerge making it easier to evaluate your work. This poem is a nice piece, lovely story of anticipation, yet seem contricted to me by the stict end rhyme. Have you thought of a rewrite in free verse or at least a more extended meter?...p |
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graham Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 60South Yorkshire, England |
Thanks for the advice... I'm new...didn't realise how it worked. Strict rhyme?...just experimenting with style. And I dont write volumes...so I wont post frequently..so I won't get comments... BTW... I got no notification of comments for this one...wonder why that is? But thanks for yours :-) [This message has been edited by graham (edited 08-08-99).] |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
I think this will be framed.. on my wall.. very soon.. Wonderful imagery.. the way you create out of thin air.. oh.. and I believe.. you have to check the box for email notification everytime you post something.. (i think).. Thanks for the trip down the tracks... ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ <~~ that's me waving.. to ya... (grin) |
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Terri Member
since 1999-08-08
Posts 82Turtle Creek, PA |
I wish you could have seen the grin on my face after reading your poem! I am a redhead who waves to the engineers and have done so ever since I was a child. Now my children do the same. You've made my day! |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
and back to the top we go..:-)) To me this reads of two way appreciation, he for her and she for him...not to mention it's something I do, wave that is...I always think it's such a lonely job...thanks for the reminder..:-)) Hugs ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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angel girl Member
since 1999-07-23
Posts 322within a whisper... |
very nice. |
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elvira Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936California |
very well done indeed, graham...the rhyming was just fine...as a moderator here once told me "don't ever apologize for rhyming"...we all have our own style...and this was a lovely poem...Welcome graham ------------------ I will live my life as i, will undoubtedly die - alone. ~Morrissey~ |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I liked this... perhaps we all need a reminder that our smiles (and frowns) may have more effect than we think! |
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graham Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 60South Yorkshire, England |
Wow...now I'm shocked...and feeling quite humble. Thanks for ALL the replies...very kind ones too. This got a better response than my previous posting.."Timepiece"... which I thought was MUCH better (unfortunately, it was posted under the title.."please review"). Oh well....I'm learning :-) P.S. Special thanks to the red-haired wavers Hahaha ------------------ I always wanted an edible canoe but you can't have your kayak and eat it too! [This message has been edited by graham (edited 08-09-99).] [This message has been edited by graham (edited 08-10-99).] |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
Please review.. why on earth would you post it that way??.. hahahah.. oopsy.. (It's up on my wall).. in my office.. so I review it quite often.(smile) |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
p.s. it's right next to timepiece..(grin) |
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