»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #2
»
From Creek To Beast To Oblivion
| Open Poetry #2 |
|
From Creek To Beast To Oblivion |
|
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
As you all know..I know "diddly' 'bout poetry....I'm not sure if this IS even poetry....but it took a long time to write it?.......Comments would be appreciated.... From the clouds in the sky The rain falling my seed God's warming from the sun My flowing blood runs Over the earth Becoming as one God's speed. Silently in the beginning Uncovering brown and gold Red-Yellow and green Beneath my mother's snow whiteness Until my silent voice Carries colored leaves And rolls over stones My Father's warmth touches I soon become strong By which I'm to live And travel along To where I belong In pools amongst grasses, where leaves have fallen, I have life that is miraculous Some drink of my blood Life needs me to sustain I can reflect one's image In my current like mirror I reflect colors of the sky, My body "waved" by the wind I make fog for the night And mist for the morning And rainbows for your sight Grasses and lilies, dress up my edges Rocks, soil and towns, I eat from my creek banks And color with sound I rush and splash and roar With white capped manes, As a wild free stallion. I sing-glide and flow With green clear blue And travel deep silent Joining brothers and sisters Becoming one giant Our blood and soil now blended And too-Life and fishes We carry large ships Our strength now harnessed Photographed and painted Marvelled at or swam in And sometimes given a name We flow under bridges Sometimes over dams Infected with sewage Litter and cans At jouney's end Where rivers last go To be lost in the sea The end of our flow. |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Toerag - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Toerag, Wonderful paint, it hit me like a Jackson Pollock. But it all made sense and you did a good job. |
||
|
JTF Member
since 1999-08-09
Posts 319France |
Oh man !!! ... you've became way much too serious for me ... I've understood though that you see yourself as a stallion ... you conceited old scallywag !! ...  ... stunning job though ... did you smoke the carpet before ? |
||
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Thanks yall......JTF.....Yanno me better than that Jef...this is my last attempt at that serious schtuff......it's too much work!!! |
||
|
RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Wow!... HUSG ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
||
|
traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
Well Toe, if your looking for comments on the technical stuff, that will need to come from one of our many accomplished poets ... as an avid reader all I can say is that I loved this ... thanks so much ... |
||
|
JTF Member
since 1999-08-09
Posts 319France |
Seriously Toe, it's worth the result !! |
||
|
WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
No doubt Toe! You did a great job! I hope you don't stop trying at this! It was remarkable buddy! I hope to see more from you! |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Even 'tho the water may be tainted...it is still life's force. Very different, unusual, and may we see more, please! |
||
|
Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
Toerag!! Stop! Your scaring me! Drop the pen and step slowly away! Promise me your not gonna spin your head and spit green stuff at us now! Cause your possessed.. Feel your funny bone Toe.. make sure its still there. Then run back to the funny sunny side of the forum!!! (I did like the poem though ) |
||
|
Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
toe (she says softly) you make me smile with your funny stuff, but I love your serious side, that is beautiful and very deep!... |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
This is the Toerag I've been waiting for. The serious stuff is a lot of work, but its worth it. Great use of similes and an almost-irritating flow into and out of rhyme. |
||
|
Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
Unsual for you Toe, but I enjoyed it very much...thanks for the read...and it is considered poetry to me. Star ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! |
||
|
hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Nice to see you write something serious Toe...enjoyed it ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
JEEZ! I can tangle with a Toerag but I can't hold back a raging river. Dam it all! I'm not good at critiquing free verse but there is certainly talent displayed here by visions portrayed and imagination skillfully used. You're finally beginning to scare me! |
||
|
PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
Toerag, Usually I sit and read all your funny stuff and laugh til I cry. This accomplished that bypassing the laughter and though I really love your funny work this is beautiful and would like to see more of it. (Between the giggles though,okay?) Real good work!! ------------------ Words lay dormant in the recesses of the mind til called forth to a labor of love. By WildChild |
||
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I think I'm speechless! *G* All I can say is WOW!!! You didn't just paint a picture with your pen... you lead us on a journey as rich and diverse as life itself. Excellent job, dear friend... very well done! |
||
|
BrightLight Junior Member
since 1999-09-07
Posts 45 |
Wow, This was awesome, so descriptive, so moving, keep your pen going there my friend. |
||
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Thanks gang....Kind words from kind folks! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||