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Open Poetry #2

When you are old....

Sue
Member

since 1999-08-04

Posts 383
France

0 posted 1999-09-04 03:58 PM

The last drop of juice
Has been wrung by cruel time
From the fruit of youth

Rosemary J. Gwaltney
Senior Member

since 1999-08-26

Posts 997
northern mountains, Idaho

1 posted 1999-09-04 04:08 PM

I like this very much. Beautifully worded slice of life. I wish more people would write of aging. It's a natural part of life, happens very slowly, and is generally ignored by our society. I think I'll put one of my little poems in here on it.

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...Living is ever like crossing rivers; finding a new life on each shore ... RJG

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

2 posted 1999-09-04 04:14 PM

Sue...I really enjoyed this. One suggestion though. If you are going for true Haiku, you need to add an additional syllable to the second line...5/7/5. Maybe this...

The last drop of juice
Has been wrung out by cruel time
From the fruit of youth

You have said a great deal with very few words here

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"Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald

Sue
Member

since 1999-08-04

Posts 383
France

3 posted 1999-09-04 04:17 PM

Thanks, Rosemary. If you are interested in the subject, have a look at 'Soul' which I posted this afternoon, that's about old age, too.

Sue
Member

since 1999-08-04

Posts 383
France

4 posted 1999-09-04 04:20 PM

Hoot, I'm afraid we've hit a culture thing. I pronounce cruel as cru-el, two syllables. For America you are absolutely right.

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