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Salvation (Villanelle challenge by Poet deVine)
| Open Poetry #2 |
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Salvation (Villanelle challenge by Poet deVine) |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Don't judge me too harshly on this one, its the first Villanelle I've ever written. Thanks. I had nothing in the way of expectations All my hopes had been slain I was drowning in apathy and isolation Then I met you, so full of aspirations Your touch was soft as rain But our friendship was full of complications My heart, tumoltuous with love and desperation I fell so madly for you I was going insane I soared without drugs to high elevations Or love found root in a fickle foundation I tried to deny it, only in vain Now I've finally accepted this great elation You throw before me no allegations No one can derail this fated train To me, your as necessary as respiration You've given rebirth to my expectations Your kiss is tender as misting rain Our love rooted in ever-stronger foundation You are my hope, my only salvation |
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| © Copyright 1999 Systematic Decay - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I think this is fantastic, SD. Very beautiful! ------------------ Denise |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
SD, it is a beautiful poem....but not a villanelle. Please recheck the format. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Systematic decay, A very nice poem but it is not a Villanelle. Take a look at DreamEvils or even my humble try or you can get the form from the dictionary. Once again a very nice poem. |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Oh? I looked at a website and this was the form it had. oops  ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
I cant seem to get that site back, and have no dictionary...if any of you would be willing to email me with the proper form it would be greatly appreciated..... ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
D.Cay....excellent poem....It's hard to do! I thought writing poetry was easy til I had to do this form stuff!! LOL  |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Poet, thanks, I like the way you abbrevited my name....D.cay....I like that. To clear things up, did I do the villanelle form correctly or not? ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Format is not quite right. "A villanelle is a poem of nineteen lines, five three-line stanzas followed by one four- line stanza, usually in lines of either all tetrameter (4 beats) or all pentameter (5 beats), with alternating end-rhymes patterned aba, aba, aba, aba, aba, abaa, and with one other, vital twist. The first, then third line of the poem actually alternate as the last line of stanzas 2, 3, and 4, and then end stanza 5, and the poem itself, as a couplet." Quote from the site I get some formats. I hope it helps. ------------------ Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Thank you Dream..... I'll have to work on another one and post it when I actually get it right. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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