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Open Poetry #2
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Redemption.
| Open Poetry #2 |
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Redemption. |
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beowulf_26 Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 183
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This is the new revamped version courtesy of all the fine ideas shared in the critical analysis board. I am frightened at what I see. A brooding boy. Shrouded in darkness. Eyes seething contempt. Contempt for his own flesh. Hatred to the loins that spawned him. Longing for his father. A father married to his boss. Shackled by the hate of his clan. Lashing back. How could the boy be borne By this unsubstantial jellyfish Floating with his own poison? As the boy looks inside He is saddened at what he sees. A crying infant. Hungry for attention. Longing for his father. The newborn looks at the boy With knowing eyes That wearily speak of experience Far beyond his years. Steely eyes forged by the pain Of gazing upon caked blood refreshed by tears. Knowing he could not intervene. Knowing one day The winds would shift And the blows would rain on him. But better him than his mother. And better him so that it would Fortify his resolve. That when he was big enough, Strong enough. There would be no more fury. Justice would be dealt. All the pain caused by the beast Would be reflected. Oh, would he even fathom the pain? Or the stiffness in his muscles in anticipation of the blow? Would that dog? There will be only Only whimpering. Begging for mercy. Groveling. The newborn looks To the boy. The boy, To the young man who sees his father. Stripped of his control over a family. Scrunched as if in the womb. His chest heaving and wailing. He pities this blinded shell of a man. The boy’s head drops to the floor. By some miracle he finds strength. He forgives. |
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| © Copyright 1999 beowulf_26 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Oh man, I just can't believe this - and the ending is out of this world!! Not at all what I expected !! You definately have a way with telling a story!! I wanted to thank you for all your wonderful comments on my work...dare I say you are a "fan" of mine ?? he he he I'm flattered that you find a spark of hope and smiles in reading my heart. *** ------------------ I beckon you to come...I lure you with my tongue... - poet FemmeFatale |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
You've done a wonderful job with this post...it's gripping to say the least and I agree with Poet...the ending comes as a surprise. Well Done!!! ------------------ "In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus |
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beowulf_26 Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 183 |
Thank you much both of you. I consider myself a "fan" of both of your works. Ironically, I am even more flattered by the fact that you took time to respond to my poem. Thanks again. |
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