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Open Poetry #2
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Winter's Breath- Haiku
| Open Poetry #2 |
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Winter's Breath- Haiku |
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Tim Senior Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 1794 |
North wind's icy breath Doth hasten snow's arrival Winter's kiss of death. [This message has been edited by Tim (edited 09-03-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Tim - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
geez, Tim, can we get through Fall first? Good job! |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Lovely, Tim. Simply lovely!!  ------------------ Denise |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Nicely done, of course - But That's easy for you to say - sitting in Nevada..... |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
Beautiful, Tim! But believe me, winter is not the kiss of death here...*LOL*...we are starting to get that cool fall weather now..the high temp was only 91 today! A real cold front...  !!!------------------ The only man worth your tears will never make you cry... |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Veru nice Haiku......you expressed this wonderfully ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Excellent Haiku! I can feel the change in seasons...our fall lasts 5 minutes here... Are you getting out your snowshovel there? |
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Sue Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 383France |
I love it! |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
Actually, it is a lovely poem, it really is, but it is not a very good haiku. First of all, haiku NEVER rhymes....kiss of death for the poem.Secondly, this is an oriental form, quite ancient and respected...."doth" has no business in a poem of this kind. It is totally out of place here.Gosh, I am sounding antagonistic..sorry, don't mean to. This form is something I know a lot about (probably more than 90% of the people who write it today...at least) and it really is frustrating when I see it so abused.Also, a true haiku will have a kind of turn somewhere, usually in the last line...your poem lacks such a turn. That is one of the hardest parts of writing haiku...making that connection that would seem unusual. Please visit my webpage and read some of mine, maybe it will help you understand what I mean. www.room1401.com/beki So I can leave this on a positive note, I will say that you showed great economy of words in your poem and that is also a characteristic of haiku...with so few syllables you can't afford to waste a single one and you seem to have a fine grasp of that. Keep practicing, it is the best way to learn (that and reading lots of good poetry!) friends? ------------------ "We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion.....the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" --John Keating, Dead Poets Society |
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Tim Senior Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 1794 |
Appreciate your comments... I do recognize traditional japanese haiku does not rhyme... I ran across a site of Brazilian haiku that does and caught my interest... I will try a traditional Japanese haiku and see what you think... and yes... the break is hard to accomplish... again.. thanks for comments.. |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Beautiful. A |
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ColieStar New Member
since 2012-04-22
Posts 1NY, USA |
Simply lovely. I adore haikus and this is so well done. I am, however, glad that the winter is now past. ~Star |
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