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Open Poetry #2
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Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 1999-09-16 04:30 PM


I’m drinking and yet not getting drunk
I’m swimming where my ship has sunk
I’m walking where my footsteps are unheard
I’m seeing clear where the view is blurred
I’m laughing where every face is sad
I’m happy when everyone is mad
I’m planting seeds where trees are dying
I’m telling truth where saints are lying
I’m running fast where time stands still
I’m just a toy where all is real
I’m seeking answers in your eyes
Where even truth wears a disguise
I’m feeling strong when you are weak
When I’m small you’re feeling big
I’m screaming yet you hear no sound
Or maybe it’s the other way around

I’m drunk and yet I wasn’t drinking
My ship is floating yet I’m sinking
I hear my footsteps when I’m standing
I’m blind where the view is never ending
Where everything is good, I’m mad at nothing
I’m sad when everyone is laughing
Where nature’s giving birth, I’m dying
Where devil’s telling truth, I’m lying
I’m standing still where everyone’s in motion
In the world of toys just I express emotion
I’ve found an answer in disguise
I’ve lost the truth in my own eyes
You’re feeling strong when I am weak
You’re laughing cause I cannot speak
And only when I’m silent do I hear
I guess this story was a little more sincere

The truth is that it was all this way
I drank and I was drunk that day
My ship and I were slowly sinking
While I was standing I was thinking
I saw the never-ending view ahead
I had no reason to be sad
I planted seeds where trees were growing
I told the truth where saints were glowing
And I was moving with the ground
I lived and saw the living all around
I found an answer clear and true
And all I had to do was look at you
When you were strong and I was weak
You were the one who helped me speak
I screamed for help, you heard my scream
You told me it was all a scary dream


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I fell in love and kept on falling

© Copyright 1999 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
1 posted 1999-09-16 04:32 PM


Very good!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 1999-09-16 04:43 PM


This took some work. Well done, Sir.
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA
3 posted 1999-09-16 04:46 PM


A very interesting set of steps. I liked the progression and the feelings behind it all. If you don't mind, might I suggest something. In the first part with the lines
"I’m feeling strong when you are weak
When I’m small you’re feeling big"
It seems to be the only one falling short on a rhyme. Perhaps the following might help:
"I’m feeling strong when you are weak
When I’m small you are never meek"
Just my thoughts... take it as you will for I am no great poet.
All in all, an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing.

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
4 posted 1999-09-16 04:53 PM


Bravo!!!

HUGS

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.


RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
5 posted 1999-09-16 04:53 PM


Kudos!!!

HUGS

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.


RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
6 posted 1999-09-16 04:55 PM


That's your fault there's two entries Master...you didn't move the strings quick enough...*g*

HUGS

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.


caroline
Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218
http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm
7 posted 1999-09-16 06:17 PM


An extremely well crafted piece, Master. Take a bow!

------------------
The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
8 posted 1999-09-16 06:21 PM


..

[This message has been edited by Master (edited 09-16-99).]

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
9 posted 1999-09-16 06:21 PM


Thanks eveybody! I didn't expect so many replies so quick. This is a very old poem of mine, decided to post it and see what you think. Andrew, thanks for advice I'm going to use it. RainbowGirl, you're one cute puppet!

------------------
I fell in love and kept on falling

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
10 posted 1999-09-16 08:32 PM


Wow.....this was just great, I love the way you carried each line into the floowing stanza...very masterfully done.

------------------
"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus

Beki
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA
11 posted 1999-09-16 08:36 PM


This was an ambitious piece, my friend, you pulled it off well! :-)

------------------
"We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion.....the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"
--John Keating, Dead Poets Society

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

12 posted 1999-09-16 08:38 PM


Wow! Great job!

------------------
Denise

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
13 posted 1999-09-16 08:47 PM


Thanks Hoot, Beki and Denise. I'm glad you all liked it.
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
14 posted 1999-09-16 10:53 PM


You've outdone yourself! I really loved this. Very good work!
Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
15 posted 1999-09-16 11:08 PM


Thanks White Dove! I'm glad you liked it.
S.Ford
New Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 4

16 posted 1999-09-17 12:49 PM


That was very beautiful... loved it
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
17 posted 1999-09-17 12:56 PM


Nice job, Master. I liked the way you provided contrasting views, and then resolved the contrasts.
Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
18 posted 1999-09-17 01:14 PM


Thank you both! It's good to know that people still enjoy your old poems!

------------------
I fell in love and kept on falling

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