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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #2 |
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I'm drinking and yet not getting drunk |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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I’m drinking and yet not getting drunk I’m swimming where my ship has sunk I’m walking where my footsteps are unheard I’m seeing clear where the view is blurred I’m laughing where every face is sad I’m happy when everyone is mad I’m planting seeds where trees are dying I’m telling truth where saints are lying I’m running fast where time stands still I’m just a toy where all is real I’m seeking answers in your eyes Where even truth wears a disguise I’m feeling strong when you are weak When I’m small you’re feeling big I’m screaming yet you hear no sound Or maybe it’s the other way around I’m drunk and yet I wasn’t drinking My ship is floating yet I’m sinking I hear my footsteps when I’m standing I’m blind where the view is never ending Where everything is good, I’m mad at nothing I’m sad when everyone is laughing Where nature’s giving birth, I’m dying Where devil’s telling truth, I’m lying I’m standing still where everyone’s in motion In the world of toys just I express emotion I’ve found an answer in disguise I’ve lost the truth in my own eyes You’re feeling strong when I am weak You’re laughing cause I cannot speak And only when I’m silent do I hear I guess this story was a little more sincere The truth is that it was all this way I drank and I was drunk that day My ship and I were slowly sinking While I was standing I was thinking I saw the never-ending view ahead I had no reason to be sad I planted seeds where trees were growing I told the truth where saints were glowing And I was moving with the ground I lived and saw the living all around I found an answer clear and true And all I had to do was look at you When you were strong and I was weak You were the one who helped me speak I screamed for help, you heard my scream You told me it was all a scary dream ------------------ I fell in love and kept on falling |
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| © Copyright 1999 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Very good!  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
This took some work. Well done, Sir. |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
A very interesting set of steps. I liked the progression and the feelings behind it all. If you don't mind, might I suggest something. In the first part with the lines "I’m feeling strong when you are weak When I’m small you’re feeling big" It seems to be the only one falling short on a rhyme. Perhaps the following might help: "I’m feeling strong when you are weak When I’m small you are never meek" Just my thoughts... take it as you will for I am no great poet. All in all, an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing. |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Bravo!!! HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Kudos!!! HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
That's your fault there's two entries Master...you didn't move the strings quick enough...*g* HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
An extremely well crafted piece, Master. Take a bow! ------------------ The only man worth your tears will never make you cry... |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
.. [This message has been edited by Master (edited 09-16-99).] |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thanks eveybody! I didn't expect so many replies so quick. This is a very old poem of mine, decided to post it and see what you think. Andrew, thanks for advice I'm going to use it. RainbowGirl, you're one cute puppet! ------------------ I fell in love and kept on falling |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Wow.....this was just great, I love the way you carried each line into the floowing stanza...very masterfully done. ------------------ "In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
This was an ambitious piece, my friend, you pulled it off well! :-) ------------------ "We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion.....the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" --John Keating, Dead Poets Society |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Wow! Great job! ------------------ Denise |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thanks Hoot, Beki and Denise. I'm glad you all liked it. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
You've outdone yourself! I really loved this. Very good work! |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thanks White Dove! I'm glad you liked it. |
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S.Ford New Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 4 |
That was very beautiful... loved it |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Nice job, Master. I liked the way you provided contrasting views, and then resolved the contrasts. |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you both! It's good to know that people still enjoy your old poems! ------------------ I fell in love and kept on falling |
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