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A home without a wall, |
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A home without a wall, |
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| Passions in Prose |
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Minnesota Flight |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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(Just a quick note: This story is in the genre of modern/contemporary so some sentences may seem to be structured oddly...also, I have attempted to write it through the eyes of an uneducated American girl - as I am not an American, I hope the idiomatic language is convincing!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It’s just timeless, this song, yeah its got wings. Flying through all these years! Albatross - that Fleetwood Mac sure knew how to string some tunes and then some. So I lay here in the dark, listening to him snore on my left, with Albatross on repeat and the cat warm at my feet. I need that volume up, need to feel those wings, no, I won’t move yet, too warm and he might wake up...well, I’ll just lay here. Warmth from a song and a cat. His back is cold and I wonder what his snoring means. I’ll have to look it up in that book, the one by that Louise lady. I was constipated once and she pretty much said I was suppressing things, well, it all came out eventually so I guess I wasn’t suppressing no more...I feel fine now. Here in this house in the dark I lay. I have tea towels and plates and I bought them all with my own money...ok, so some of it was his, but then, he always says he just wants to take care of me. Yeah, and I have Albatross too, though he don’t like it. No, he says it got no guts. And I want to say ‘What’s guts got to do with it, with this sound?’ But I don’t. I lay here and I think. I think of all the other girls I’m meant to be like, like a part of them. There - that is the word I am meant to say: like. ‘Jane isn’t he so, LIKE, gorgeous?’ I am meant to say things like that. But I don’t. I only have eyes for one man now anyways and I ain’t some ‘frivolous teen’ as he says - I am 18, sure, but it’s mental attitude, that’s how we find ourselves, that’s what Louise says anyways and I believe her. She cured herself of cancer after all. How amazing! Just by thinking through a positive mental attitude. So, I lay here in the dark and hug myself, arms around my belly and fly and say to myself ‘I can do it’. I’m not sure what yet, what that ‘it’ is. Perhaps it could be calling my Mom. She isn’t so far now. Only across the dirt of two states. How I love that fast car of his. Oh, how we flew down through the white heat of July, down those freeways and broke those limits. I guess I thought he was invincible. So, if I just rang she might not slam down that receiver, sure, if I just say ‘I can do it’ enough. Maybe. I lay here in the quiet soft dark, soft like the hidden calls of the bird in this smooth song and think on her. On my Mom. I wonder what she’s been doing. Simple things probably. Mother things. Washing and stuff. I can see her, hair about the face in those Illinois winds, bending like an oil well in Kansas. Sticking those pegs in every day, caressing those clothes there on the line, almost like she’d stroke a lover I imagine - no, that isn’t so hard to think, my mother with a man. I can see it - I’m not no frivolous teen. She likes good clean washes. If even one stain remains she’ll scrub it out all over again, and I mean scrub! I shake my head on the pillow and feel hair tickle my nose. I can’t sneeze...but do and lie as still as anything, waiting to see if the snores change. They don’t and I relax. Dusty those days. All I remember is dust. Even though the house was spotless. Funny thing that. I rustle my feet closer to the cat; this Minnesota winter is hard to get used to. I lay here thinking of where I might not have dusted...the pantry! Lord. Tomorrow. In the morning after I get the eggs and tomatoes and before he comes home for lunch. Eggs just right and tomatoes tasty. He’ll not likely go in the pantry, but ‘better to be safe than sorry’ Mom chastises. I shake her voice away and hear him snort and whisper in his sleep. Frozen, I let the colour of Albatross take me high. I see songs in colours. Albatross is blue, he says it’s a load of **** but Louise says colours are therapeutic. Though what I need therapy for I don’t know. I breathe this friendly dark and think if this is what it is like for her. I know it will be a her. I just know. Is the darkness of my warm womb friendly? I would like to go there with her, snuggle in and hold my little girl, tell her all about colour and sound and her daddy; I would tell her of how strong he is. Sure, I won’t be working my two days a week for much longer, but then, all day to fly and maybe paint again and read Louise. I can sweep the dust away while chanting my affirmations. Stare out at the daylight and the trees and take her out there, my little one. I think of how he will bend over her cradle, and coo, and be so proud. He doesn’t know yet, not yet, but when I tell him he will be so darn proud he will stamp around and yell and raise dust in the air. He will stomp and hold me and perhaps lay in the silent darkness with me and together we’ll think up a name for our jewel. Yeah, Albatross, you fill my head with dreams and make me feel alive. I snuggle tight and feel the cat purr with my toes. It isn’t time to gingerly sneak out into the cold and turn the song off, no, just awhile longer. I just need to fly awhile longer. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
GIRL THIS IS AWESOME!!!! I read it twice to take in every perfect emotion and image. EXCELLENT writing here. I felt like I was in the room, hell I felt like I was the cat on the bed  loved the edge of sarcasim and wit of her thoughts as well. And the song references as well. wonderful creative work. later butterfly keeper jm Some things cannot be explained by verses that rhyme, They are not measured by the commitment of time. Some emotions run too deep to be described by words, Forgiveness and understanding-remain the most beautiful words ever heard. ~Janet Marie~ "What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly" ~Lao Tze Tao~ ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
WOW WOW WOW Soul-Sis, this is absolutley AWESOME!!! !!!!! hehe You could pass as an American I felt like I was there, I could feel the dust flying about. Enjoyed it thoroughly. Excellent writing as always my dear friend  Je t'aime plus qu'hier et moins que demain." I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow (unkown) |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
I said it before and i'll say it again ... "Lady K this is a superb bit of prose" ...... and again "Lady K this is a really excellent job" .. and again "Lady K .... ....." etc.. sorry i'm in a silly mood ..... .. it really was good Kamla ..SP oh yes btw ......are you SURE you're not American ??!! heh heh [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 05-23-2000).] |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Severn, this is Excellent writing. You were getting close to UNFORTUNATELY an educated American Girl LOL - this country needs better schooling. "Let's see when my teens think of sex and their parents it comes out like "Oooh, old people!" heheh All in all, you have done better than I could if I tried using English Expressions such as "bed clothes" "biscuits for cookies" "bonnet" for a car hood, "tea towels" and "Funny thing that" I got a huge kick out of your across the dirt of two states --where you have captured the American driving 700 to 800 miles without a second thought. Great Story! ~netswan |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Severn, This is a great piece of work. Makes for excellent reading.... Regards, sudhir. Life is like a painting, That in an art gallery is left hanging, Though many come just to look at it, A very few actually come to enjoy it. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kamla: A wonderful job you've done here. I couldn't help feeling a sadness for the girl in the story. I also couldn't help noticing the irony of the recurring "Albatross" as something that brings the girl comfort when "albatross" can be defined as something that causes concern. I suppose, by reading between the lines, I was seeing the grim reality behind the veil of the girl's naivete. The father probably wouldn't be happy and she could very well end up a single mother left to raise a child alone. Not the pleasant future she dreams about, I'm sure. I really enjoyed this, Kamla. Jim |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Kamla, I too hit on "dirt across two states" and loved the pictures it brought to mind... well done, little Severn! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey guys - I just want to say thankyou SOO much for your replies...I really was uncertain...! Netswan...lol...I am not from Britain it is true but I still use all those expressions - cookies are very different things than biscuits - we have both. The only difference is that Cookies are GIANT biscuits! You don't have tea towels though? Huh? What the heck are they then? LOL (Seriously tell me and I will change it!) Sir P - Thank you for popping in ~curtsey~ (and then I trip of course cause long flipping skirts just ain't my thing...) Janet M - thankyou so much! There is only one thing I must dispute - she is not sarcastic at all. She is also completely unwitty...what I have depicted is just as she sees everything. Totally naive as Jim says. She is a lost person, lost in every voice other than her own. Take care butterfly girl.Jim - The key to Albatross is that it is a trigger of her fantasy. She is trying desperately hard to be an adult. When really she is but a child. Her husband is abusive actually - mentally at this point anyway. He will never stomp and raise dust - for there is no dust to raise. He won't allow there to be any.  Thanks J - I appreciate that you liked this!! K |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Wow... this is a beautiful piece! I love the writing style, and the subject itself. I really enjoyed it. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I just wanted to bring this little gem back to the top o' the heap for a moment. There is a lot here to be absorbed other than the obvious points. It's amazing how the mind can wander. And while this lady is depicted as being somewhat unlearned, she obviously doesn't lack intelligence. For the mind to wander requires intelligence. You did perty good here K on your voice, though it is a little dated in a way... LOL... Kudos on this on hun, you dood good! |
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