»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
A Moment in Time
| Passions in Prose |
|
A Moment in Time |
|
|
netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
A Moment in Time Sea breeze perfumed the early morning air. Marianne inhaled deeply with great appreciation as she ran for the school bus, her dark red book bag bobbed on her back while her long chestnut hair became disarrayed in the wind. The yellow bus disappeared as she rounded the corner. "Oh, no!" she wailed out loud as she impatiently checked her Mickey Mouse watch. Seven-Fifteen it read as if taunting her. The bus was not suppose to leave until Seven-Sixteen. She knew she had been pushing her luck all week, barely making the bus and she sighed as she began to run to try to catch it within its next few stops, otherwise she would have a six mile hike to school. The new bus driver was not at all like Jake, the previous one who had just retired. Jake had always waited for her. He knew all the chores that she was responsible for that she had to do before leaving the house on any given school day; they were far too many for her small shoulders. She sighed as she started to pick up her pace. Being late for school did not sit well on her strict parents' tongues and she did not want to have her weekend ruined by her mother receiving a phone call from the school in query of her tardiness. It would be a sure full weekend restriction. She started to pick up her speed. She had great plans for Saturday. Her nimble fingers secured the book bag tightly to stop its beating on her back as her mind wandered to James, her boy friend. He and three of their friends were planning on catching the Ferry to Seattle and then go to the Seattle Center by bus. She could barely believe her ears when her father had given her permission to go. With the thought of being tardy she ran faster as she started to gasp for breath. She hoped to catch up with the bus. It was in the distance and traveling fast. Marianne started to count how many times it would have to stop before it reached the school. Three stops down the road she knew would be its longest stop - about eight city blocks further down, where seven kids would pile on. She heard the blaring of a horn as she rounded the bend and saw the bus tumbling down the hill side; she saw fire. She felt the ground rumble with each flip of the bus; she smelled smoke. With terror in her heart, she rushed almost winded to the scene. She arrived to the top of the hill, staring wide eyed at the chaos below, quickly unlatched her book bag and scuttled down, half rolling - half running, to help anyone that might survive. Terrified screaming teens were pushing their way out of the bus. One had his back on fire. She snatched her jacket off and rushed to his side beating the fire out. The sounds of sirens piercing the air gave her a slight sense of relief, for she was tasting the acrid smell of burnt flesh. Helplessly, Marianne looked at the bus, near the back, where she always sat. It was smashed in as if it had just been through a metal crusher, her heart lurched as the bus blew up in flames. Her mind flashed to a moment in time. She fainted. netswan [This message has been edited by netswan (edited 05-15-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Teresa King - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
"A moment in time." If you think about it too much and you think about every fork in the road it begins to boggle your mind... You had me wondering what could happen while she was out with her boyfriend, and if her parents would catch her but then you threw in the bus. I didn't even catch it actually, I just blew right by it and then I saw "Flames" and did a double take, LOL. I like the open ending too, it encourages one to think a little. Excellent writing  Abrahm Simons "You... You are so special You have the talent To make me feel like Dirt" - Alice in Chains, "Dirt" |
||
|
Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
That was a great story. I love reading prose. The ending caught me by surprise. Great job. "Even a fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying." Harry Anderson, "Night Court" *Cassandra Roseen* |
||
|
WolfsMate Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 121New York |
Great story! "You never have to worry...Never fear for I am near" |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Teresa, this is excellent..you drew each scene so well I could see the colors. and very clever how you made the impact of the bus be sudden and shocking like it would be in reality. held me from the begining. thanks again for the help on my prose, I'll E-mail you later  take care,jm |
||
|
netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Dusk, Dawn, Wolf And Janet - I do so appreciate your comments. Makes any writer's day to hear that others have read their work - for me, good, bad or indifferent - just the idea that someone was kind enough to take the time. It is wonderful people, like you, that makes writing worth while for all of us ---- netswan |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
