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For Sharing Parents |
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Julie Jordan Scott Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 146Bakersfield, CA USA 
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Every December, 8 year old Katherine asks me when the big event will be this year. Not Santa's arrival, not when are we getting our tree, not when does vacation start, but when is the Tree of Light Memorial Service. When do we get to tie a bow on the tree in Memory of her sister, Marlena? As a leader of Sharing Parents for 9 years, I met many people whose babies have died. Assisting parents live through one of lives most painful experiences, we offer support in a world that does not value, validate or appreciate the lives of our littlest ones. When families gather in early December at Bakersfield Memorial Hospital, they connect heart to heart, soul to soul. Crying, smiling, laughing, realizing that our babies lived. And our babies die. Our babies have a place within the holiday celebrations, even if the rest of the world does not understand. Katherine asked to sing during the service. As a little actress, she has no fear of being on stage. She performs in the Christmas Carol as Tiny Tim, including singing a solo, which somehow does not intimidate her at all. My eight year old stood tall and sang for the babies, as I looked out over the audience. So many of these families I had seen at the start of their grief process. We had cried together. We had rejoiced during subsequent pregnancies. We had visited each other's bedsides post delivery of our lost babies siblings. My little Emma was actually conceived the morning one of these babies was born! As I rejoiced for my friend, God knit together little baby Emma. Experiencing the loss of a baby with a community such as Sharing Parents is freeing for a hurting parent. It allows a spirit of togetherness in a place that is so bleak, so naturally friendless. A valley where your very spirit questions whether God has played some sort of awful trick on you. In the ten Christmases since my Marlena died, I have received countless gifts from my one and only firstborn child. I have received the gift of patience, when I did not conceive on my own schedule following her death. Instead, I conceived when the perfect time came. I received the gift of many dear friends who walk a similar journey. It has bound me to people who have grieved all kinds of losses. I have received the gift of plenty and want. And contentment whether I am in plenty or want. When your child dies, it puts everything else in perspective. I have given the gift of knowledge to others, through little Marlena. More people understand grief and loss as they have watched me grow through her life and death. I have received the gift of two precious little girls, Marlena's sister. In their eyes and faces, her little self is reflected. I have no physical reminders of Marlena's life except for her headstone, which I decorate lovingly. Her sisters are my huggable, kissable reminders of what Marlena would have been. Instead, she is so much more. Scanning the audience, I see too many new faces. Faces who have yet to really walk the path of grief. Whose losses are so fresh, the wounds still bleed daily. As I stand to share my story with the assemblage, I offer my gift from Marlena and me. My Very Special Gift Marlena, my love My precious baby girl At Christmas and always Forever baby, Forever Mine Forever in the hearts Of ALL that are touched Through your life, through your death You are a Gift. Offered to All. Each tear is an offering. Each salty river on your face Makes a path towards wholeness. A passageway for healing A door to a more joyous future More depth, more color, more feeling Marlena, my love, My precious little girl. I am a Life Purpose Coach who specializes in assisting men and women to clarify their Life Purpose and then in turn live true to their purpose. After 5 years working with the Severely Mentally Ill in County Mental Health, I gave up the bureaucracy (and safe, secure blanket) of this environment to pursue my own purpose and passion. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Julie Jordan Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Beautiful, touching story.. I'm glad to hear that you're a mother now, and I'm sorry about Marlena.. I've enjoyed your works so far, much enjoyed  "Human pride sings a vengeful song, inspired by the times you've been walked on" - Creed - "What If" |
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winterinblue Junior Member
since 1999-12-29
Posts 32 |
Oh, I know that emptiness. I too, have lost a child. I've written a lot about her. The vision of your living child singing at the memorial service brought tears to my eyes. Many years ago, I had a daughter who, at thirteen years old, sang at her little sister's funeral. I too, am so sorry about Marlena! Thank you for sharing! Through everything, remain your own good friend; and so crucially, paint it all with words! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Touched me, right there! |
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merlynh Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411deer park, wa |
Thanks for sharing. |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
This is so very moving and touched me deeply. I am also a mother who lost her daughter. God Bless you Julie in the wonderful work you are doing to help so many of us! And my heart goes out to you.... A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire! Shannon |
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