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Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member
since 2008-05-08
Posts 422
Canada

0 posted 2011-06-20 11:29 AM


Written for my English 30S independent study, the rest of the project can be found here: at my doorstep - blog.

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I never seem to see your real emotions when you're walking in the rain. Tears could be falling but it's difficult to tell. The clouds make your face a pale shade of greyish-blue, and there's an intensity in your eyes that only a lover could know.

You said to me that the trees look more beautiful in the rain. That time seems to stop when the sky is clouded over and it's as if someone hit the pause button on everyone but us. Nothing changes. You could look out your window and be surrounded with peace because the earth has been frozen for a while.

-

There was something about the way you left the house this morning. You closed the door gently and with a soft sound said "goodbye". I knew something wasn't right from the start. Whenever you leave for work you always say "see you later" not "goodbye". I know that I worry about these types of things too much, but sometimes it really gets me. Last night after dinner you mentioned to me that everything was perfect. That life was perfect and we were perfect. It's the type of thing any woman would want to hear, but for some reason I wasn't happy with it.

Life shouldn't be perfect. It can seem perfect but I'd like to think that we're struggling with something. Not something that'll tear us apart, but something that will make us stronger. If we have nothing to learn from we have nothing to show. We'll only be better people if we struggle with things in life.

In a way I am happy you said life was perfect. Maybe we've already been through our share of hard times. Maybe we've already grown into the people we're meant to be, and maybe we are "perfect".

-

When you came home at five o'clock like you always do, you said "good afternoon". I was half done making dinner and you found that one bottle of wine we've been saving for something special. I didn't really know what to think simply because this took me by surprise.

When you popped the cork and poured my glass I asked what the occasion was. All you said was "I don't think we need a reason to celebrate ourselves." I just stared for a while, with a sort of stupid look on my face. I didn't really know what to say, and he continued "Everyone always uses the most important things on other people, not themselves. When company comes, we bring out the nicer dishes and the more expensive wine, and that's okay. I just wanted to show that you're important too. We don't need a 'special occasion' for this. We're just as important and special as the rest of the world. So this is for us."

After all he said he clinked his glass with mine and drank.

The corners of my eyes were greeted with tears that never fell. It wasn't often, if ever, that someone ever said those things to me. But I guess that's the reason he did it, because it never happens.

-

After walking through the rain that one night I noticed a different kind of light in your eyes. It wasn't the typical peaceful look either. There was something more to it, more of a serene-happy-kind-of-lovely look. Your weren't looking with just your eyes, you were looking with your heart.

As we walked on that night we passed old buildings with art on the sides. With the rain falling on it, the colours seemed to pop. Little love notes from one to another saying things like "If the world would end tonight, I'd be okay" and "There's two reasons why I wake up in the morning: my alarm clock and you".

We stopped to read a few and you smiled and laughed at some. I started walking but noticed you were still standing there. You'd pulled out a sharpie marker that you left in your pocket from work and started writing something on the side of that rained on colourful wall. When I asked you what you were writing you told me that I couldn't see it, that I had to come back on a day where you weren't with me and read it.

I was sad and excited all in one. You linked arms with me and we continued walking; I still tried to turn my head to see what you wrote, but you told me to continue on. And we did.

Our feet walked in sync for a while, there was about 20 steps that I counted until you started to talk, "I hope you don't mind". I didn't really know what you were talking about, and I think you could sense it, because after my silent response, you continued "I hope you don't mind that I didn't let you read it. I don't always feel like bringing flowers home to surprise you because it's so typical. So I hope you don't mind my public love note."

"Of course I don't mind" I responded, and smiled. The sun had almost set and the old fashioned lights that lined the streets started turning on one by one. We came up close to The Fyxx and if it wasn't so late I would've bought us a coffee. It was 10:05 and closing time was 10.

We walked a few more blocks before we found ourselves at home; a peaceful finish to our day.

-

You know I'm kind of glad you said "goodbye" to me this morning instead of "see you later". I guess in a way it made me realize what I have in life and how lucky I really am. It's amazing what little things can do like that.
After you left for work this morning I got dressed and took a walk back down to that graffiti wall with all the little love notes on it. I tried not to look too excited as I scanned over the other messages, searching for your writing or maybe your name some where. I tried to remember where I left you standing as I continued to walk on.

People who passed by me looked as though they'd never seen the wall before in their life. Or maybe they've never seen someone actually stop and take the time to read the messages. It might have been a strange sight, me looking so closely for something that might not even be there, but it was.

I said to you that the trees look more beautiful in the rain. The dirt's washed away and all that's left is the raw, original plant. We're like that too, sometimes we just need to get over the extra self that follows us, and love our raw selves.

After I read it I started to walk away, glancing back every now and then until I was about 20 feet away. The sky above was overcast again, rain was on it's way.

As little drops began to hit my cheek, slowly at first, I knew what my real emotions were. Not all the drops sliding down my face were rain, some where tears. The make-up I had applied half an hour earlier was smearing and soon all that was left was my raw self, both physically and emotionally.

It's amazing what you learn about yourself in the simplest ways. When the earth is paused and we're the only ones moving, somehow beauty has a way of surfacing.



julianna

"Many of the most significant moments in our lives come not because it all went right, but because it all fell apart." - Rob Bell

© Copyright 2011 Julianna - All Rights Reserved
Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
1 posted 2011-06-28 10:03 PM


This is beautiful

Also Kinda cool we have the same name lol, well sorta

-juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

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