»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
My First Thursday
| Passions in Prose |
|
My First Thursday |
|
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
|
without involvement 9-16-10 Even God lost count on the number of times I’ve thought of you since you decided to make your home with Him. I’m smiling, sadly, you know, that smile that works through tears? My mind jumps from the time that you made your decision and I concurred, to the rather short time as it is now, since He took you into His home. How does everything seem like nothing so quickly? Then a breath later, it’s just the opposite. I worked through this with you, and I know only you have the answers now. Truth be had, it is the 17th of the month when I write this, solely because I’ve not been able to put fingers to keyboard until just now. But the envisioning of words has been ever-clear since September 3 and the guts of it only yesterday…but now, now, I take what was, to share. You and I really don’t care if anyone else reads it; only that you are remembered is enough, even if only in my eyes, in our world of language, and metaphor, and remarkable times. I can almost believe I hear your chuckling about an on-line “let’s tell it all!” remark and I counter, “should we?” What would it hurt, to continue talking to you just as if we were sitting across your oak table for four; my haunches presiding over your oak chair, dwelling over our lunches, mental hunches mingling with scads of bread and cheese…and our sharing your KJ wine. What would it matter, and to whom? The family that mourns your loss…you knew their strength before you left; you supplied them with additional updrafts of momentary highs to get them to their next days. After you left us, they commented greatly how everything was in order, just so like Louise, so once again, my friend…you left a lesson, learned. Yes, I see you nodding, pointing to my journal…but no. This has no place in my handwritten journal just now, even though I thought things were changing for the better. I see this form as a way to tell you, my dear, that you will definitely have to keep to your promise as best you can…and watch over me, should you still wish to do so. And you will guide me, so that I can be more like you, for others. Love, that adopted sis |
||
| © Copyright 2010 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Karilea, you have a beautiful soul, on full display in this writing. Your friendship and support extends beyond death and I continue to feel for your loss. It would be nice to believe she is reading this...perhaps you'll be able to tell her in person one day. |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Your sister Frances asked me to give your Eulogy, Louise. I immediately answered yes, because I had prayed that I would be able to do so. She told me she had shivers when I answered "yes" so fast. When she said that, I had shivers, too. You have such an awesome family. But the next day, I asked her, "would you mind very much if the entire family concurred?" Much like you, she understood; you have so many friends...I did not want it to appear lop-sided in request...a family decision was required. Ultimatum: Louise was a woman who loved her entire family. Father, Mother, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, and cousins. She honed a special relationship with all of her nieces and nephews as "Aunt Louise". She took such delight in them as she watched them grow up. Her attention and consideration to her friends around the world was phenomenal. Once introduced to Louise, you became a friend for life. And you might well then be welcomed by ALL of the Ryans. It just happens that way. Louise loved parties, celebrations, and Life! Her great smile lit up any room she was in, winning hearts and making lifelong friends. Her intelligence, strength and independence are the permanent matter that will stay with us. Louise looked at life honestly, demanding no more or less from herself. Her family and friends responded to her in that same light. There is the story that she loved to tell on herself. Being a sensitive child she ran away from home one pouty day when she was four or five years old and took the sled with her because there was snow on the ground. She had not quite reached the top of the hill when her dad saw her and rode up on a horse to pull her down the hill again because it was supper time. She cried all the way back, not enjoying the fun of the sled ride at all, but because she thought she was "in trouble for running away from home." Louise loved her poetry. Well read, with a gifted curiosity, she devoured books like some people sleep, eat, or play. She shared this poem on July 24, 2006, commemorating her joy for reading at its beginning. I remember the child, Always curious, Big eyed with wonder, Gazing at all the books, Wondering where to start, Pondering the possibility of Reading all of them. Gorging on books At a very early age, She fed her mind With how other people lived In other climes In other times All around the world. She read The many children’s series: The Bobbsey Twins The Trixie Belden Mysteries The Happy Hollisters And when she finished With Nancy Drew She read the Hardy Boys. She read the Children’s Classics And became acquainted with Alice in Wonderland Shivered with Tiny Tim in England First flew the friendly skies With Peter and Wendy Skated along the dikes with Hans Brinker Climbed the Alps with Heidi Roamed the jungles with Kim And was shipwrecked with The Swiss Family Robinson. What a large world it was! And having access Through the printed page was The highlight of her week. God bless whoever it was Who started the Free Lending Libraries And opened the world to the hungry minds Of Children everywhere. Devouring books, Sorting out fact, fiction And the elusive truth, Aware now, that Thousands of books Are being published daily, Recognizing the impossibility Of reading them all, I am still that child. © Louise Ryan Louise did not suffer fools lightly. She was much too brilliant a beacon with her “can do attitude” and her warm Irish personality never allowed you to “envision” her in a wheelchair, nor did her character ever show any display of her “disability”. Therefore, when a story came forth recently, it fit Louise true to form. There was a young man who had introduced himself to Louise when he saw her sitting outside her apartment one day. They became casual apartment acquaintances, waving to one another and sometimes taking a smoking break together. Louise saw past the “childhood” that this young man was still going through, knowing he would eventually pull himself together. She didn’t say much to him about that at the time, but one night, when a slightly over-ambitious party got a little out of hand, this young man knew the police were going to be called, but saw Louise outside and came over to talk to her before the police arrived. With all honesty, he told her he knew he was in trouble because there were a few unpaid parking tickets, and he knew there was a warrant out in his name. Calmly, and I’m sure with a grin on her face, Louise said, “c’mon inside…” and secreted him away in her closet until the police were gone. This same young man came to visit Louise in her last days and knelt beside her bed, holding both her hands in his and kissed them gently. Paying homage to the person he believes saved him from his self destructive path. Clearly when he shared his story with the family you were warmed by the impact Louise had on his life. She was this phenomenal, capable being who would move along with you in life, her huge smile beaming out at the entire world, while we all strove to catch up with her. Louise took on the role of Daughter, Sister, Aunt, and Friend. We will miss her greatly, but acknowledge that she is whole again. Less than three weeks ago, she stated, I will be watching all of you, for I believe that I can. We, who know faith, can believe in that, too. In Memory Louise Ryan January 25, 1948 – September 3, 2010 Services – September 8, 2010 ~*~ You must know this, because I truly believe you can see all; our mutual friend, Connie, came with me. I had reunited Connie with you...how odd, yet not so odd, Abilene, Ks, is not so big a place...but you two were of similar age; she remembered you from Catechism classes and high school... after your services, as I followed the family out the door, shortly behind me came Connie, crying, clutching me in her arms, saying, "I saw her, I saw her" and I knew exactly the moment she saw you. It was when I got to the "phenomenal" part and my right leg started to shake...and just as suddenly I quieted down. Connie said she saw you standing behind me, putting your hand on my right shoulder...the side that was shaking...just as I had imagined I felt it, but wasn't going to tell anyone in case there were white jackets roaming near... I felt you; she saw you. You two share the same faith...I am not of your faith, but I believe in miracles. I sent Martie one of your miracles the other day...she understood, as well. You only knew Martie from this site; and from the photos I had shared with you, and from my glee of her personality, and that of her husband...and how great that year of 2004 was for me, her, and family. A lot of great came from 2004. Oh, by the way...did you see 'Deer's note above?  I think he might think I'm a little crazy now, but assure him in his dreams that it's all a good crazy...it's okay to see our friends even in the hereafter.Go over and hug Sy and all our other members, will ya? But spank my bro...he's probably been up to no good.  |
||
|
latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
I so love this. I only wish I could write the way same to some I love. jo |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
My friend Sy is doing well (But says he misses Isabel!) Sunshine, I understand completely. Love and admiration for another doesn't stop at life's end, otherwise there would be no such thing as prayer, would there? I applaud your friendship that continues....  |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Dear Sissie....I think Louise is smiling at this thread, and you. I am. Although I've never "seen" the spirit of those departed in quite the same way you have, I've known of them in soul-sight and feathered gifts. Some would question which is real but I do not. You were blessed to see Michelle and I too believe that you did. Louise will always be alive within your heart. I just know that love never dies and that souls hold all the candles and they are the kind you can’t blow out  |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
See, Louise? Jo arrived, wishing. Deer arrived, knowing. and our Martie came, wanting to believe, knowing that it is all right if others do... Your niece came to me today and wanted to know when the next book was coming out. I thought to myself "that's Louise, nudging her, to nudge me." So, my dear, I will have you know [as you already do] that I have spent the last four plus hours editing the novel I hoped to put into your hands. As it is, [again, another nudge by you to someone you only heard of!] a friend who might have the commonsense of a past language art came by through email today and it seemed to me that since he acts the part, it might be up to him to say, "no, this sound is off, nope, this is not right," but then again, he might say no. Regardless, I'm forging on. And in doing so, I will update you. Spouse is doing better...and believes he will discontinue chemo even after October 25. Ten out of 12 treatments, with all tests showing "clean"...he's pretty sure he's done with it now. I think of you; the difference in chemo treatments; the difference in doctors; the difference in a body's ability to take on such courses of torture... and I still believe that you were smart in your decision. But now I, the outsider, not the family member, but only the friend, wish I could have sat in with you on the disclosures. Not to dissuade you; but to satisfy my own "what if's" now. Wow. Is that a slap in a face, or what? I'm just not sure whose face to slap? Mine, or your doctors? Yet, you were Stage 4; spouse only stage 2...different scenarios. Different everything. Everything, different. ~*~ Our First Monday...Prairie Inkwells, without you in person without good reason other than that you will never return in body. I worried, fretted, kicked and complained in quiet. Yet, dear, I had the meeting in my house, where I've always wanted to entertain... and only one member was absent because it was the third Monday of the month, and she was otherwise occupied. But the two men and two women of the group said, "yes, this is the place to meet," so, in my home, what you only saw by photos, is now the holding place of the meetings for PI...every Monday unless otherwise prescribed or for April, when Poetry Month hits town and we all will go to Mochas... and we will buy cookies and coffee for some, and wine, cheese, and I'll bring bread, in your honor. |
||
|
Eusta B. Mae Senior Member
since 2010-05-03
Posts 903 |
My heart goes out to you...the blessiing of such a special friend becomes painfully evident in their absence. You will not be alone as you walk your way through the garden of grief...Louise will see to that. And I am here if only to say I understand. Warm hug... Eusta B. |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Fine writing...but you know that...James |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
It's Thursday...again. I wonder at the speed of time. When I was working, it wasn't the same. I was at work, wanting to be home, doing homey things, writing when the mood struck, gritting my teeth that someone else could be home all day and not get a darned thing done; chomping at the bit and wishing I could be two people. Nope, I'm still one person, and it's true, you have to be careful what you wish for. And even though there is less income, it's amazing what one doesn't spend when not working. Except at least twice a week, now, I get to lunch with a friend. You were my weekly "get out of jail free" card at least twice a week. You...were my Godsend. Now, everyone I know...works. But as you well know, you've been kicking my butt by reminding me I'm now in a place where I don't have to chomp on my bit...I'm no longer conflicted by having to be at an 8-5 [even those I loved] and here I am with all of the time in the [still] free world to do what I wanted to do. You kick butt good. And you put it in my head that with you in a place not available to edit my work as you did with the first book, you provided me a name with all of the particular background I might require to make sure the vernacular of the work is on target. And boy, is this editor pleased with the request. What a wow moment! So, now I'm spending from two to four hours a day in editing. And because we'll now be having all of our meetings at my house on a weekly basis, another swift kick to the other side of my butt to make sure I keep up on my housework. [You always were great with incentive!] And I'm sure you realize that Betsy is still coming for a visit. She sounds tiredly excited. The trip from Abu Dhabi will be tiring, but she is anxious to get home and on with her life to check out the two new job opportunities. Your sister Fran called the other day to make sure that Betsy would be "up" for a Ryan girls' night out - dinner and conversation and perhaps a wine or two at Fran's house with all of the Ryan girls, Betsy, and me. Can you imagine a better Sunday? Back to PI. I made a unilateral decision, and sweetheart, that was hard to do, y'know? We always bounced ideas and decisions off of each other. I gave long, hard thought to a second in command for the longevity of our group...based on work, commitment, children, obligations. Lori just seemed like the right choice. And you must nod in agreement...she and I work fairly well together. ~*~ Well, look who came to share thoughts with you recently. James Michael, all the way from Hawaii. And Eusta B...she's a kind girl who is finding her way around her voice. One of these days I'm going to have to teach her about Today's Topics. I don't think she's quite figured out all of the buttons. It goes without saying, sweetheart. I miss you. Joseph, upon arrival for the Monday meeting, complimented the "beautiful Scrabble Board" that sits dead center on my glass coffee table. I'm waiting for a player. So for the time being, I hit the internet Scrabble board daily. But only for a jump start, because I know I won't be seeing your ID pop up anymore. I know you're still exploring your new world. I know you will be sending me visions. And oh, yes, your niece, Robin...she mentioned that she use to be visited...but then for the longest while she's been vacant of such visits. I told her it is okay to open up her mind to future visits...so put her on your list, will ya? And by the way, Martie remembered my comment to her back in 2004. When she had left me in her living room where the piano was...and I distinctly saw Michelle sitting at the keyboard. She wishes she could. Love, K |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Tomorrow is the fourth Thursday… It marks a month since I talked to my father about you. He said not to worry, because 9/2 is my day; not hers. Yet, you left us one hour after the date of his passing, and you both got me to thinking about time changes over the landmarks of our great United States. Never mind, it doesn’t matter; I thought of you both, and I saw him smile as he welcomed you… I saw you gasp under his great hug! You didn’t have a chance to know him in person, but he was there for you all the same. You permeate my days with thoughts of talk, what we might consider for our writing group, what is best for their future. But in my nights I’ve noticed that you’ve not appeared; yet you have sent a myriad of my own folk back to me, and those of them who are still in my future. You’ve been busy, my friend. Do you think that your Hospice might take me on? I took the TB test earlier this week; and when I found out they went back to needles, I flushed large, asked to let them sit me down so I wouldn’t do what is so implanted in my memory…but I didn’t pass out; and today when I went in for the results, I “passed” so now we await the Bureau’s inspection. The nurse that took care of me today took care of you too…I told her I remembered her; she remembered me as ‘the friend who wasn’t 10 minutes.’ She said I would “do well” there, were you were. I don’t know. It was when she reached out, like I normally do, and gave such hug of compassion, that I nearly lost me in your memory. I had been doing so well, trying to stay strong for your memory. In a few days, Betsy will be here. I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose it when she arrives. Over the three times you were the instigator of our meetings, I was always the one “in awe” of the two of you. But you were our magnet. I admire her through you…period. That was how it started, and then she shared facts of herself, and I began to admire her for herself….and remain in awe. If you did nothing else other than be cheerleader for me, you acquainted me not only with your wonderful family, but with your remarkable friends. I know I thanked you before for all of that…but now? I expect your presence by our side Sunday evening among the Ryan girls, Betsy, and myself. Love, K |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
10-13-10 Louise, Betsy came on the 3rd. She left a week ago today at Oh-dark-thirty [3:30] and the skies were filled with stars. You fulfilled all my requests. You sat with your sisters during our dinner on Sunday evening. You were by our sides even when I didn’t say “see? She’s here!” and it was okay, because you never were one to draw attention to yourself. But they were all with you. Marilyn, I believe, will never stop crying in passionate moments. Bernie, bless her, will always suffer silently. I think Fran is the one who, of all of your sisters, will be the most stalwart, but confidential one. It was good for Bets to move around your residence, out of order, out of place, and get some closure. There were some books and several gifts that she had given you that she said, “this should be yours now” and I took them; treasures that they are, they are now placed around the “Louise Library” and/or centered prominently where I, or family or guests will be able to appreciate them. A poem has been trying to evolve…1-1-7; that will be the title. I know the meaning; but I want the meaning to be as important to others as it is to me. It is strange how you touch me; yesterday CJ went shopping for groceries and when he brought home celery, I cut it up; leaves and such in this baggie; celery spears for Louise and me in this baggie… So today I went to Hospice to take in additional paperwork to fulfill their requirements on my acceptability of becoming a volunteer. They scheduled me for a four hour orientation – I guess I’m in. Prior to that, however, I went to DMV and applied for my updated license; since mine was going to expire in two months, why go through making them copy information twice? I adore our DMV folk; they allow you to choose your photo…the second one is always better! Bets wrote two days ago but she was eager to catch up on her sleep after her return from overseas and her visits from home to us to other states and back again; she needed her “time out” and I gave her two days then bombarded her with an email that I sincerely hope was an equal to what you might have ever sent her! I admire so much the relationship you have experienced with this remarkable woman. As I expected, she was a fine counterpart for the men in my life…and held her own, admirably, without making any enemies. “A fine woman” was heard by my ears. Well done, my friend, for introducing me to a woman who I hope to call “Friend” for a long time coming. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
