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A Last Goodbye
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A Last Goodbye |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
Not really classified as a short story, but it's writing none the less. The Last Goodbye A little girl walks silently into the office on the day she's been dreading for months. She drops her backpack on the floor to give Michelle a sign that she's present. Michelle turns from her computer to look at her. “Hey. Take a seat. I’m just finishing up with something then we’ll talk, okay, kiddo?” “Okay,” She replies as she sits down on the soft, dark blue couch that she always sits on and picks up the orange, squishy ball that she always loves to fidget with. She notices the tissue box, decorated with yellow and blue flowers, which she's never had to use. Michelle had told the girl that she had never seen her cry, and the girl tries so hard not to. So far, it's worked. She glances at the hedgehog cage, where inside, Miss Prickles sleeps soundly in her log house. The girl cannot see Miss Prickles, but she imagines her tiny, prickly body moving slowly up and down, and if touched, would start hissing in frustration. She hates being woken up. The girl had lots of experience trying to wake Miss Prickles up to play with or hold in her lap. She loves playing with Miss Prickles. Just recently had she figured out an affective and gentle way to ease the hedgehog into her hands. It took a while to figure out how to do so without getting poked by her small white and grey spikes. They covered all but her face and tummy. Miss Prickles’ water bottle is hanging onto the thin bars of the cage, leaning to the right. The girl smiles to herself, as she remembers all the days she spent trying to correct that problem. That water bottle never wanted to stay straight for some reason. It was always tipped over. Michelle continues typing away at her computer. The girl notices the bright green curtains, pulled open and off to the side, held to the wall with a silver snap, exposing the outdoors and the school yard. She can see the backstop and the hill where gym classes meet at when outdoor activities are planned. The window is open ever so slightly-only enough to let the fresh air in, but not enough to let the sound travel out. The door is closed securely and the sounds of the school hallway are drowned out. This is her safe haven, only for her to share with Michelle, her school’s Success Coach. Michelle turns around from her computer at last and picks up the pink squishy ball on her desk and begins to play with it in her hands. “So, what’s wrong?” asks Michelle, knowingly. She can read the girl like an open book. The girl looks at Michelle for a moment, then back at the orange ball in her lap. She opens her mouth to speak. Her words shake a little bit at the beginning of her sentence. "I...I’m sad. But even more, I’m scared” “And why is that?” “Well...I’m not exactly used to not being able to see you. I mean, we’ve been meeting every week since February. And I’m going to miss that so much.” “Okay, that explains the sadness. Why are you scared?” Michelle sounds so professional...But at the same time, so understanding. How she balances the two is beyond belief. The girl has no clue how Michelle does what she does. Nobody knows, for that matter. “Because I’m scared that I won’t have you to talk to when something goes wrong, and that I’ll hurt myself again, even though I really don’t want to” “If you don’t want to, you won’t. You’re stronger than that, Jenn.” “Sometimes I wonder...,” Jenn teases. Her tone is playful and a small, sly smile appears on her face. “I know. But you know deep down that I’m right. I’m psychic, remember? I know what goes on in that brain of yours” She automatically smiles her big, beautiful smile at Michelle’s choice of words. Her smile is so unique, and was the first thing Michelle noticed about her when they first met. “I’m psychic.” was a common phrase that Michelle used when Jenn asked, “How did you know that I wanted to talk about that!?” She knows that Michelle is right. When the two first met, and Jenn became Michelle’s client, Jenn was struggling with self-harm recovery. She’s now over one year free, and that’s thanks to Michelle’s support and guidance. Jenn also realizes now that it was her own work in discovering herself-learning about her own emotions and how to handle them. Jenn takes a quick glance at the clock. The glare from the sunlight blocks some of the numbers, but the ones she needs are in clear view. She has ten minutes left with Michelle. Ten minutes before the school year is over. Michelle just barely had time to see her once more. After this day, the one person who’s ever been there for Jenn during her recovery process is going to be out of her life for the most part. There's still summer activities going on with Michelle, but it's not going to be the same. Michelle not only heard Jenn speak, but listened and took all of her feelings and what caused them into account. Michelle goes over to the counter, picks up a piece of paper and hands it to Jenn, whose eyes are beginning to sting. She hides her distress well. Jenn takes the paper and smiles as she reads it aloud. It's an affirmation statement and she loves receiving them. They are positive sayings that make her feel special. The statements had been given to Jenn periodically throughout her recovery and they built her up when she was feeling lowest. Jenn struggled with low self-esteem, which went hand-in-hand with her self-harm, and these small reminders that she is special, received from someone so important to her, made her feel so amazing. She thanks Michelle and hands her a letter that she composed herself, thanking Michelle for her help. Michelle reads it and thanks Jenn, while gently tucking it into the top drawer of her desk. Jenn remembers the day when she came into the office upset because a kid threw a basketball at her face and broke her glasses. She was terrified that her father would be furious because this was the second time that her glasses had broken during a school gym class. Michelle was in the process of assembling her desk. Jenn got to sit on the floor in the fuzzy blue beanbag chair and watch. Michelle let her stay there for the last class of the day because Jenn was unable to go home, and she was no good going to class without sight. Jenn was very thankful for this because she didn’t really want to go to her last class, anyway. It was a boring class, leadership, and all they ever did was color posters for school events and such. The two then pull out the pink Jenga game. Jenn loves the game because it was pink, unlike classic Jenga. When you pull out a block, you have to answer a question about yourself."What do you want to be when you grow up?" was Jenn's favorite question because she wanted to be Michelle when she grew up. She wanted to change a kid's life the way Michelle had changed hers. They love playing this together, and have done so many times to help lighten the mood when they needed to talk about heavy subjects. This time, though, it was just for fun. The two start pulling blocks out of the tower one by one. Jenn feels a sudden connection with this game. She feels much like the game, slowly falling apart in front of her. She glances at the clock again and notices that there is only two more minutes left in the school year. After this day, Jenn will no longer be Michelle's client. Terror overwhelms her and tears sting her eyes- she can't hide it from Michelle this time. Although no tears appear, Michelle notices the distress and asks her about it. Jenn shakes inside as she says, "I don't want to leave." "You'll be fine," replies Michelle in that tone that Jenn has come to love, "You're strong." Jenn can't bear crying in front of Michelle. The thought of breaking down in front of someone who thinks of her as such a strong girl fills her body with self-consciousness, but she can't hold it in. Suddenly, the bell rings from outside the office, although they can barely hear it. The girl breaks down and tears stream down her face silently. She is numb. She cannot feel the movement, but she stands up and picks her bag off the floor. The edge of her bag touches the table that the Jenga game was standing on and the blocks fall to the floor. "Leave it, I'll pick them up." says Michelle. "You go home, kiddo. Enjoy your summer. I'll see you at summer programming soon." Jenn exclaims, "So this is it, huh?" as more silent tears stream down her face. Michelle nods and hands her a tissue. She gladly accepts it. Michelle surprises her by stepping forward and giving her a hug. Jenn doesn't expect it, but welcomes it, because she knows very well that a hug from Michelle is rare to come by. For this reason, Jenn feels very special receiving the hug. She thanks Michelle and silently turns to walk out the door, closing it behind her. This is one of the saddest moments of her ninth grade year. This is a last goodbye. |
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| © Copyright 2009 Jenn - All Rights Reserved | |||
Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
JennJenn, I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to read your writing and to respond to it. Yet, I am so happy that I did read it and that I read it today. It's special and after responding, I am going to shut my computer off and just think. There is so much that is important in what you have shared. I love the Jenga game and think what a wonderful way parents can connect with their children. It would be such a good listening tool - and tool for expressing what is inside us. It can only help any relationship, whether it be parent/child, husband/wife, patient/therapist, student/teacher - all would benefit. I'd like your permission to link some poets to this as I read about their cutting and inner turmoil. You share a message with a strong voice and clean communication skills. I like your writing style. I hope Jen continued to grow, heal and learn from her mentor, Michelle. Alison |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
Feel free to link people to this. I've got lots more poetry and stuff about si, but I doubt it'll get very good critiques on here. I've been told that it's the kinda "crap" that I should "shove in my journal and give up" Jenn grew up a lot. That's why it was so hard for her to leave Michelle. She does continue to contact Michelle periodically. |
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Quiet Waters Junior Member
since 2009-03-13
Posts 15IN, USA |
This is very well written Jenn. Please continue to post. Those who flippantly say your writings are "crap" need to find better ways of communicating. When you write you write for yourself, but you also write for others - that's the nature of writing. You may not SHOW your writing to anyone else, but always, in the backs of our minds - as writers - we want someone else to read it. Validation is an important learning tool whether it is positive or negative, at least we have validation. So do post your writings if you want. I think here, you will hear a different response. I look forward to reading more of your work Jenn ~ In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday! |
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