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A home without a wall, |
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| Passions in Prose |
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April 9 |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
This is part of the first article I wrote for a bi-weekly column… I thought I would share it with the new friends I have found here at pip. Thank you all for welcoming me and for your warmth. It is very much appreciated… Tammy<222 (Larry’s mom) April 9 is approaching, and although it is just another day to most, for me it marks a horrific, life altering, tragedy. April 9, 2008 is the one-year mark of my son’s death. In memory of him, I feel compelled to try to help other bereaved mothers along in their journey. So I will begin by telling my story. My son, Larry, died while following his dad, Darian, and me to work as he had done for nearly a year prior. He was following behind our work van when his car malfunctioned, taking him into the opposite lane of Heckscher Drive in North Jacksonville. He collided head on with an oncoming sport utility vehicle. His father was looking in his eyes as the two vehicles crashed into each other. He died instantly. While I was screaming to 911 through my cell phone, Darian was begging for God’s help and fighting desperately, with every fiber of his being, to pull Larry’s body out of the burning wreckage before the fire consumed it. Darian’s only thought was if he could just get Larry out of the car there might be a chance to revive him, but our son was crushed, and so completely trapped that ten men together could not have pulled him free. Darian received third degree burns on his hand, arm, and several spots on his chest trying to free our Son’s body from the wreckage. We will see the images of that day for the rest of our lives. Larry died the day after Easter Sunday and the month before his 18th birthday. There were three children and three adults in the SUV. Although they sustained injuries, I thank God that they all lived. I will never, not for as long as I breathe, forget the mother of those three children. As my husband held me down on the ground and I sobbed and screamed for my son, I felt something tapping my knee. I looked down and saw a young woman lying there next to me. She was injured. She had reached out and was gently tapping my leg with her fingers, and although I could not hear her words, I knew beyond any doubts that she was in fact praying for her children and for mine. She knew my suffering personally, because at that moment she did not know if her own beautiful children were alive or dead. I have not had an opportunity to thank her for including my Son in her prayers. Someday I hope to have the chance to do so. I have learned much about people, life, and myself since that dreadful day almost one year ago. I have learned that I represent most people’s worst fears. Because of that fact, they never know what to say to me or how to react when I am around. They tend to avoid me. Because they truly do not know and cannot understand the depth of my loss, people sometimes compare it to their own experiences with grief, and expect things from me that are plain impossible for me to deliver. They also do not realize that I continually wear a mask for their benefit. They think that I should have “gotten over it” by now and “moved on” with my life. How ridiculous. My son spent his short time on this Earth helping his friends and the people he loved in their times of emotional need. He was good at it. Larry always knew how to make you smile and lift your spirit no matter what your issue. |
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| © Copyright 2008 Tammy Brown - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
Tammy... with tears in my eyes as I write this humble offering of comfort to you.. I send you my heartfelt hugs of sympathy, love and understanding on the anniversary of your son Larry...may he continue his dance with the angels and watch over you and your family. love RDB Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
RDB, Thank you so very much for your heartfelt and beautiful words… Tammy<333 |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Larrysmom, thank you for sharing these thoughts from your heart about your son Larry...James |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Larry's Mom, My heart is breaking for you, Darian and your other son. I am not a mother. I have never lost a child. I am a sister and lost a brother. This, alone, tells me that I will never know what you are going through. My Mother continues to mourn her son. Yes, life has gone on and time has maybe smoothed some of the rough edges of her sorrow. Yet, the depth of her pain is far greater than what I experienced. I loved my brother with all my heart. He did not come from my body or loins. Tammy, I will be thinking of you on April 9th. I will be thinking of your family. I will be thinking of your son, Larry. Alison |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
James, Thank you for taking the time to read them and share in them with me. It is appreciated more than you could know… Alison, Thank you for your kind words and for your time and thank you from the bottom of my heart for thinking of Larry… Tammy<333 |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Tears kept blurring the screen as I read... my heart breaks for you and your family. |
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effjayel Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474At the Crossroads of Infinity |
.  For Larry . |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
Suthern, Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your care… It means more than you could possibly know. John, Again you have brought a huge smile to my face… Thank you my friend.  Tammy<333 |
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peppermint35 Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1106Texas, USA |
It's hard to express how I felt reading your story; I cannot imagine the horror of actually being there when my child died. It's been 4 years for me. My daughter was 32 years old when she died in a car accident on April Fools Day. I was at my mom's house taking care of her since she was in the process of dying herself and watching over my daughter's son, who was then 8 years old. I thought it was a very sick April Fools joke with the officers came to tell me, even up to the funeral itself, it did not seem real. Four years have made it real to me; less, actually, but no.. you will not "get over it".. you go on, you must go on, but you never ever get over it. I go on because I now have the joy of raising my grandson. He is now 12 years old and it is truly, I believe, my job and my joy to have that. You have your job too, I am sure. May God bless you and yours always. Pepper |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
Pepper, I am so very sorry for your loss of your daughter. I can so completely understand you thinking it was a sick April Fools day joke… It has only been a year for me and I still cannot believe it sometimes. I know you understand what I mean. I know he is dead, but sometimes it is just so hard to believe… Yes, I have my job to do as well and so I must do it. I have two of them actually. One is to be the mother to my little one that he deserves, the same mother that Larry had. I love him every single bit as much as I love Larry. My other job is to keep Larry’s memory alive, always. Because as long as his memory lives on, he will always be here with me. He will never be gone. Thank you so much my friend and please know you can email me anytime just to talk, scream, cry or vent. I know that you still have those dreaded bad days… Lots of love, Tammy<333 |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Tammy, I have for the most part tried to steer away from your posts for two reasons.. 1) I am empathic. 2) Because the one year anniversary of the murder of 2 of my children's childhood friends is coming on the 24th. I live close to where your son died. Although your loss is far more painful than mine, we both feel the pain...the "why's", the not-fairness of it, the injustice. much love, Susan "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
Dear Susan, I am so sorry for your losses… A loss from your heart is a piece of your heart gone. Each one is great, each one significant, each one agonizing… Thank you for your words. They mean more to mean more to me than you can know… Lots of love, Tammy<333 |
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x-tears-x Junior Member
since 2008-04-13
Posts 43England |
That was touching. I really dont know what to say...im so sorry...x i hope your ok. love for larry x |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
Hi Tears, Thank you so very much hun. What you said is PERFECT my new friend… Tammy<333 |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Tammy, I was visiting your page once again as I do several times a day...and came to read this here on PIP. My daughter drives so crazy and fast, it worries me to death and as I said before, I shared that article with her. Just picturing that happening to her is too much to handle for me, I can't imagine if I ever did get that phone call. Loss is hard to deal with. My mother killed herself 28 years ago and it's no better now than it was back then. This will stay with me for life. You go on though, because you have to. But it never really heals or gets any better, you just learn to live with it. So don't pay any attention to those who tell you how to grieve. We all have our own ways, on our days...and it takes a lifetime. On March 18th I always go put flowers down. And other days too though they are no speical days...I just go sit and cry and get the anger and pain out so I can deal with another day. My heart is with you Tammy. Love you gal. |
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Claira Member
since 2008-05-11
Posts 102British but living in Thailand |
Tammy, thank you for sharing, you write beautifully. I 'm still crying now. I can not begin to imagine what it must be like to lose a child, let alone in such circumstances. I admire you for your strength.  Claire |
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