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Innocence
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Innocence |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA 
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Hey everyone.. it's been a while so let me know what you think.. it might be worth it for the ending just let me know.. <3 There he lay. The only one I have ever cared for this much. His hair a deep brown laying over his face, covering just the very top of his eyes. The sound of his beating heart echoed through the dark and silent room just like his feelings, suppressed by only God knows what... anger, guilt, shyness, maybe his egocentric mind or, though he'd never admit it, fear...? I listened very closely from the otherside of the room... his breathing as he lay sleeping. I sometimes wish I could read his mind, better yet, that he could read mine. He would realize that it's the little things that matter. He doesn't see that my heart is in his hands. Right there for him to nurture... or destroy. It's cracked on both sides, been through hell a time or two and still takes the risk of loving. Oh how innocent he seems when he sleeps... "I just figure that someday my heart will be given back to me in a million little pieces. Just more breaks and tears for someone else to mend. Though I'm afraid, by then, it will be too much to care for, too much to put forth the effort to heal. I could just drop it by the wayside and maybe, just maybe... my sleeping innocence would run upon it one day and see what he has caused, the pain he could have avoided, the pieces of a heart he could have sheltered, the one he could have protected from harm that eventually turned out to be himself... maybe he'd see the nightmare that I went through and remember all the things I told him of my past and the things I was scared of in my future.. he'd remember my sins, my faults but most of all my love..he'd be haunted by my sweet reverie and remember how in him I found my consolation for my fears... and then... he'd walk on by, my tattered past-fragile heart untouched by once loving hands, without any guilt or consequences for his actions..." What a terrible thought I've held within me, scared to love yet fallen too deep to let go... and happiness is what I have but anxiety takes hold of my heart for fear of him leaving and my never-ending nightmare to actually come true.... How could I stay strong then.. how could I keep going? Suddenly the sunrise I've been dreading all night glares through the dusty window and hits his face. He makes a slight movement. So scared to lose this innocence he holds and face the reality of my pessimistic outlooks...just to savor every moment of happiness.. desperately I pray "Please Dear Lord, Just let him sleep..." Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hi Heather, Well, here I am as promised!  I admit I've never spent much time reading what has been posted in this forum. Although, I have read a few of your pieces and I like how you write, it sounds so personal when you read this and I like that. How it sounds like your letting the readers in on secret and not holding back; it makes your pieces enjoyable to read. And... I don't know what else to say, it's been a touching write to read and I've found myself reading it over and over again. Thanks for sharing "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Thank you so much stargal. I really appreciate that, and yes, everything I write is personal... but I don't know how to write anything else. Thanks again. heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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whitelielovely Member
since 2006-12-11
Posts 146Australia |
you express so well what we all feel. i loved it - adding to library. thankyou. it was beautiful. -Whitt Love is never foolish- and if it is, it is a Divine Foolishness. |
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LucNanalh Junior Member
since 2007-02-21
Posts 11 |
The flow of your piece was very strong. The quality of writing however was a bit flawed; but nevertheless a great read. I find your passion evident, which is very inspiring because that cannot be taught, nor learned. As far as my comment concerning your syntax, I'm certain that if you took a bit more time to work on your structure everything would group together as a whole. Once again, very nice read; thank you for posting your sentiments. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
thank you all very much.. I love writing. I believe that if I did not have passion for writing then my poetry and prose would feel empty, but they are all very dear to me and all a big part of my life. Being a younger writer I enjoy reading comments and constructive critiques so thank you so much! ~heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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