»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Watching
| Passions in Prose |
|
Watching |
|
|
Spot Junior Member
since 2006-03-04
Posts 45CA, US |
Watching At night she sits on the wall closest to the fence, the border of what she can claim as her own, and looks out at the canyon she has tried to turn into a source of calm. It doesn’t really change anything. What helps is imagining what different people would think if they could see her sitting there, enclosed in whatever minor difficulty she’s managed to overthink into importance. The people into whose thoughts she imposes herself, for a moment, always reflect on how her eyes turn to the dark hills, untamed and unknown. Really it is the contrast and change, and the distraction and possibility in the lights of the houses bordering it that draw her attention When she gets mad she walks out the door (but only with permission), and runs down to a swing set by a school she never went to, and stares into the dark at a plain grass park. She fills folders up with sheets of words as offerings to ideas that never come out quite right and can’t decide which ones are real and which ones she made up. She does these things wondering what people would think if they were watching her. She wonders if they would see what she is trying to find when the houses’ lights block out the stars, if they would they feel the baseless mix of desperation and impatience and hope when the swing built for a child sways under her weight. She wonders if there will ever be anyone to watch, to care that her pen is moving to pour out her heart onto paper, and to understand what she meant when she only ends up trapping it in another misworded label. She does these things wishing people were watching her, wishing they would see what she can’t and wishing they’d recognize her genuine desire to try. She will need help defending it later. When she knows people aren’t watching, she isn’t the same. She shuts herself in her room and reads about someone else’s life, another person’s problems for hours. She stares at her wall and does nothing, overwhelmed with the things she never finished or hasn’t managed to start yet. She is so entranced by the ideas and definite space in her mind that she loses track of these things, and everything she was thinking about passes her by before she can convince herself to get up and follow it. ----------------------------- sort of a free-write. Any suggestions or comments at all would be greatly appreciate. I was specifically wondering if the ending seemed off or abrupt to anyone. Thanks for reading ...it's always sudden... |
||
| © Copyright 2006 Lauren - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
