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The Charge of the Impotent Brigade
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The Charge of the Impotent Brigade |
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jo_kritickisto Junior Member
since 2006-08-17
Posts 15 |
I am something of a god. I've control over all that happens and yet I enjoy watching -- as if I were viewing, experiencing for the first time events of whose imminence I was heretofore ignorant. You may call me the spirit of the world, the people spirit, the World Spirit. It is in an office like most others that I wish to present to you some of my handiwork. Come, let us see now young Joseph, just out of university, experiencing for the first time the working world. He entered the world of software development as many do -- through the roots of quality assurance -- hoping to provide sustenance to the organization that risked enough to take him aboard. Like any keener, he does his best to thrust into his future like a rocket into space, despite his parents' protest that he would do well to pursue with moderation his newfound career, lest he come to hate his job. Now I shall offer my pitiable best attempt at anonymizing the girl at the heart of the denied interest of Joseph's heart. Wedlock (again, I apologize) is a strikingly gorgeous blonde woman working in the accounting section of the office. I needn't bore you with the details of her work, suffice it to say that the corner wherein she resides is like a fountain of youth. She is surrounded always by youthful men, one of whom Joseph is certain is her boyfriend. Joseph, I'm afraid, is a doubter. He doubts everything from the existence of God (and who doesn't) to more exotic things, like the existence of his heart or the underlying motivation behind his actions. When he was in university Joseph took one too many philosophy courses. Joseph is also curious. Whenever he gets the chance, he swings by Wedlock's corner, hoping to catch a glimpse of her as a spyplane might catch a glimpse of a rocket launcher on the ground. The problem, however, is that the young lover is always lurking right near Wedlock, acting as a sort of electronic jamming signal to Joseph's reconnaissance camera. Be honest male reader: Would you want to be caught ogling someone else's girlfriend in the presence of her boyfriend? I am certain, of course, that some similiar un-written rule must exist for woman who might find occasion to ogle someone else's boyfriend. I am not entirely certain as to why Joseph swings by the corner -- actually it's because of his hidden passion -- when he promised himelf he wouldn't do it. Let us now add another complication, taking advantage of one of Joseph's hidden pains. You see, Joseph walks and looks like a tank. The fact that he is obese juxtaposes itself well with the fruits of his weight training over the past few years. He is something of a benign juggernaut, a fat fitness trainer, a muscular tub of lard. Ah here he comes now. We'll watch at the youthful corner. Wedlock is in position, as is her boyfriend (or at least the one whom Joseph believes to be so). But I have added now another young man. As Joseph passes, he will call out his unstoppable and crippling epithet down upon his head. Joseph's head turns slightly. Is it safe to look? "Juggernaut!!!" calls my minion, but as a sneeze. Joseph hears it and so his low self esteem interprets the call for what it is. It is a challenge upon him. But he cannot be sure. Could it be that the young man was only discussing some other juggernaut, or perhaps chatting on about the recent X-Men movie? Ah! Joseph has a brilliant idea! He has learned in his quality assurance work that the first thing to do when identifying a bug in a program is to ensure that it is repeatable. It must be reproducible under exactly the same circumstances. If he is able to reproduce this problem then, Joseph determines, he will abruptly approach the man and challenge him professionally concerning his inappropriate and churlish behaviour. This is a rite of passage for any young office worker, Joseph reasons. He must pass the test. After returning to his desk, Joseph concocts another excuse to execute a flyby, so that he can reproduce the original circumstances that gave rise my well-timed anomaly. Passing by, Joseph can hear a discussion between Wedlock and her boyfriend. Just then the word arcs across the air. "Juggernaut!!" It's all going according to plan now! Spinning about, Joseph prepares for verbal battle. As he completes his coming about, his eyes prepare to land upon the face of his would-be opponent. But, charging like a brigade down the wrong valley, they encounter instead the young Wedlock! "Hello," She says. It is all quite professional. Joseph must be here, she reasons, on some errand relating to the general productivity of this company. My loyal poltergeist need not be told to remain silent, working away at his computer instead of laughing as I do at the awkward situation unfolding due only to his seminal interjection. What can Joseph do but grumble as a fool and march out of sight. His doubts now assail him as the storms that are said to batter the lustful in the second circle of Hell or Cerberus who gnaws at the gluttonous in the third. Yes, all of these are places in which Joseph thinks he would be at home on account of his morally decadent actions. You see, Joseph is now quite convinced that his grumbling and walking away will be interpreted as a sexual advance upon the young Wedlock. The ensuing sexual harrassment case will no doubt be devastating to the young man's career. What a fool, is he not? And to think the young man calls himself a Christian! Now Joseph, I hope you never return to that accursed place and remain instead in your own territory. Aye, learn ye well: this is the accounting section, at the entrance to which the lustful would do well either to abandon their course or to abandon their hope. |
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| © Copyright 2006 jo_kritickisto - All Rights Reserved | |||
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Hm, interesting. I never would have thought that someone could cram so many mythological metaphors etc into a piece about the office world. Welcome to Passions. |
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Philmont Member
since 2004-01-10
Posts 61 |
I like how you've got a fiction story where the narrator's god. |
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Spot Junior Member
since 2006-03-04
Posts 45CA, US |
entertaining read, very defined style that fit the piece well. one question: are you joseph? |
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jo_kritickisto Junior Member
since 2006-08-17
Posts 15 |
Spot: Glad you liked this post, and the other one. You ask some interesting questions. So, am I Joseph? No, I am not Joseph in the story. In real life my name is of course Joe, but that really hasn't anything to do with this story. I wrote this story based on an incident a friend told me about. He seemed a bit upset and shaken by it, because it happened during his first job out of university. He took it so seriously that I thought a story might be in order. The god thing comes more from my wanting something funny to cheer him up a bit. Obviously turning to confront someone for allegedly hurling taunts at you only to face down the office hottie can be disconcerting and a tinge ironic. So I wanted to play that up by trying to personify irony a wee bit. |
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jo_kritickisto Junior Member
since 2006-08-17
Posts 15 |
Oh, and Fractal, you'd be surprised at all the places once might find the oddest things. Who says setting matters for good story? Phil, Yeah, I see your point about a god being in a fictional story. Very funny |
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